five

Friday 5: Thanks a LOT

From here.

  1. What would you sarcastically like to thank your local government for?
    Thanks a LOT to the city of Honolulu and the state of Hawaii for some ridiculous laws that don’t respect American adults’ freedom to make decisions about themselves about what to eat,
    when to drink, and whom to vote for. I love living here, and I generally agree with the let-people-be mentality we have around here, but there are too many laws that don’t let people be,
    either because it’s easier to ban something than to deal with consequences of a few people who can’t exercise their freedom responsibly. I’m looking right at YOU, Honolulu Liquor Commission. Somebody please tell me why, in an age where people are up at all hours, getting off of work at all hours, those same hard-working people can’t buy alcohol from any retail establishment after midnight, ever, or can’t hang out at a bar past city-mandated closing hours? It’s not illegal to drink after midnight. It’s just illegal to purchase
    after midnight. What the heck?
  2. What would you sarcastically like to thank your body for?
    Thanks a LOT to my body for making sleep a major issue, pretty much my whole life. When I was really young, it was nightmares and sleepwalking. All through college it was insomnia. Now it is this sleep apnea thing. I’ve now had the CPAP for eight nights, and it’s been a struggle to get adjusted. I hesitate to say this aloud, but last night was my best night so far. In fact,
    every night has been my best night so far, but last night I woke up a couple of times and wasn’t dying to get the mask off my face. I think in one stretch I got four hours of good,
    uninterrupted sleep, something of a rarity, and if my own throat wasn’t trying to choke me to death (there’s no way to know if I just sleep through), that may have been my best sleep in years. I had an alarm set very early so I could work on a Thursday deadline, so it’s rather possible I’d have slept even longer. This is what I hope. Gonna turn all my alarms off for Friday morning and just see what happens.
  3. What would you sarcastically like to thank your neighbors for?
    I have good neighbors, at least in my immediate vicinity. In fact, I may be the bad neighbor on my block since the weeds in front of my rented house are turning into an unsightly forest. I hope they know, when they see me walking home and think their angry thoughts at me, that I am not responsible for maintaining that stuff.

    But in the spirit of the activity, I’ll say thanks a LOT to my neighbors’ kin, who occasionally pee in my lawn when they have very large reunion-type get-togethers. Objectively, I can’t think of a reason to object. It’s just urine, and it’s only like once or twice a year. Still, it feels insulting. There’s a yard right there, right where you just spent a few hours. If you need to pee on a lawn, why not pee on that one?

  4. What would you sarcastically like to thank the internet for?
    Thanks a LOT to the internet for being an endlessly fascinating source of information. A long time ago, if I woke up wondering what the heck a wolverine actually looked like, I’d have to wait until I got to an encyclopedia or something. Now, I reach over my head, grab my phone without moving any part of my body other than my arm, and fire up Wikipedia. And of course that leads to an X-Men article which leads to a Halle Berry article, and pretty soon I’ve been awake for ninety minutes.
  5. What would you sarcastically like to thank November for?
    Thanks a LOT to November for making it incredibly difficult to keep to my self-imposed dietary restrictions. I’ve stumbled. Many times. I was encouraged by my lower numbers the last time I had them looked at, and I admit I eased up a little. Surely, if I was wiping most empty carbs out of my daily life, an occasional glazed doughnut here or there would be okay, right?
    Except I keep finding acceptable compromises. Too many. Food is too good in November, and I’ve only had three pumpkin spice lattes ever since they came back. In past years I think I had three in the first two days of the season.

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