Live-Commenting the Oscars

Man.  I want to be 50% as confident about myself doing ANYthing as Justin Timberlake is doing anything on a stage.

I was going to say that everyone in Hollywood is gorgeous, but what I think what I really want to say is that if we could all spend that much money on hair, makeup, and clothes, we would all be gorgeous.  I’m seriously rethinking my clothing budget nowadays.

Kimmel knows how to play a big space.  It’s the thing Letterman never adjusted to in his ill-fated hosting gig.

The standing ovation for Meryl Streep is a nice, diplomatic way to stick a middle finger D.C-ward.  Well done.

Mahershala Ali.  Nice speech, but all I can think is that I want to be able someday to rock an all-black tuxedo.  I do not look good in all black.

That Rolex commercial was great.

Auli`i Cravalho nailed her song.  I have thoughts about Moana and its soundtrack, but I’m saving them for my eventual review.  She’s a little heartbreaker too, isn’t she?

“The difficulty of opposing without hatred.”  Mark Rylance.  Nice.  I didn’t know Fences was an August Wilson play.  I wasn’t interested in it but now I am.  And nice speech by Viola Davis.

Charlize Theron cites Shirley MacLaine in The Apartment as an inspiration.  I get it.  I have mixed feelings about that film, but she’s quite terrific in it.  MacLaine has been horribly misused over the past twenty years or so.  Then she did that great Bernie with Jack Black and forced me to send an apology in her direction, because that woman can still do it if you don’t give her stupid cliched old-actress roles.

I would change teams for Dev Patel.  That guy is hotness.

Sting’s performance was nice enough, but he just stood there and played a classical guitar while singing.  He didn’t have to get hit in the head by a flag and still hit some soulful notes.  Advantage still Cravalho’s.

Zootopia wins for best animated feature.  I question the validity of an award that doesn’t have Finding Dory as a finalist.

In the nominees for best production design (one of my favorite awards) I was struck by the clip for Passengers, which I don’t think I ever heard of.  I read the Netflix summary and wow.

Okay, everyone’s talking about Gary from Chicago (or whatever his name is) in this great stunt they pull on patrons of a homes-of-the-stars tour, but the real star is Yulerie (or however she spells it), that cutie who can’t seem to let go of Meryl Streep.  Very sweet.

I love Leslie Mann.  Also, John Cho looks great up there with her.

Ah, a segment of Mean Tweets.  Pretty funny!

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling presenting together.  Nice.

John Legend always has such great skin tone.

Oh my gosh.  Jennifer Aniston.

Here’s the in memoriam.  I hate to admit that I get as moved by this segment as everyone else does.  Why can’t we all just live forever?

Oh, that’s nice.  Kenneth Lonergan wins the Oscar for best original screenplay and gets it presented by his producer Matt Damon.

I love that Casey Affleck won this best actor award.  He’s great in everything.

I’ll comment more on the best picture snafu later, but thank goodness for that La La Land producer who took the lead, Oscar still in hand, to call the Moonlight producers down to the stage, insisting that this was not a joke and that they had won.  Someone needed to take control, and he did it with such grace and alacrity it forced everyone through a super-awkward situation to things back on track.

I have to say.  I’ve been watching these broadcasts my whole life, and I can’t remember one as entertaining as this.  Good TV.

My Ten Favorite The Brady Bunch Episodes

My Ten Favorite The Brady Bunch episodes, in order.

  1. “The Liberation of Marcia Brady.”  Season 2, Episode 19.bb1
    Marcia tries to join the Frontier Scouts. In retaliation, Peter tries to join the Sunflower Girls.  Marcia demonstrates over the course of the series that she’s a modern woman with a sense of fairness, often expressed in defense of others after correcting errors in her own judgment.  You can say whatever you want about the Bradys, but one thing they were consistent about was that fairness is worth striving for, even if sometimes it can’t be achieved.
  2. “The Voice of Christmas.”  Season 1, Episode 12.bb2
    Carol comes down with laryngitis right before she’s supposed to sing in the Christmas service.  I really, really don’t like Cindy episodes, and this one’s remembered for Cindy’s asking Santa to restore Carol’s voice.  But I forgive the cutesiness because of two moments: the scene where Mike admonishes Santa for promising something he can’t deliver, and the one near the end when Mike is awakened by the sound of Carol humming in her sleep.  “Sing!” he urges her when she wakes up.  She sings “O Come All Ye Faithful” and it’s a thing of beauty.  I never realized how pretty Florence Henderson was until much, much later, when I was in college, but now when I see this scene, it’s all I can think about.
  3. “Vote for Brady.”  Season 1, Episode 11.bb3
    Greg and Marcia square off in an election for class president, which dosen’t make sense because Marcia’s younger and not even in high school yet, as we learn later in the series when she enters ninth grade.  Not a very strong episode, but I love Marcia’s determination, and there’s a kind of dark undercurrent when Greg’s campaign manager suggests spreading rumors about Marcia.  I like that.
  4. “The Not-So-Rose-Colored Glasses.”  Season 3, Episode 13.bb4
    Jan gets glasses.  The rest of the plot isn’t great, but I got my first pair of glasses in fourth grade, and there were things here I really related to.  More importantly, Jan Brady was my first TV crush when I was a kid (years before my fourth-grade year), and I loved her in glasses.  It always made me happy to see this episode.
  5. “Juliet is the Sun.”  Season 3, Episode 7.bb5
    Another one where Marcia is uncool and then makes amends when her sense of rightness clicks in.  When I was a kid, I never thought Marcia was very pretty (I was a Jan guy), but years later, even though Jan would always be my favorite Brady, I started to favor episodes where Marcia’s prettiness and her conflicts between ambition and kindness are critical plot elements, as this list probably illustrates.
  6. “Her Sister’s Shadow.”  Season 3, Episode 10.bb6
    The famous “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” episode.  Jan continues to have identity issues.  I love Jan.
  7. “Dough Re Mi.”  Season 3, Episode 16.bb7
    Greg wants to cut a record, but he needs some money, so he recruits his siblings in a new singing group in order to raise the funds.  Peter’s voice begins to change, ruining the recordings until Greg writes a new song, “Time to Change,” featuring a voice-cracking solo by Peter.  Nowadays, I hate sitcoms where the central characters find some reason to sing together, but in the 70s I loved it.  This episode’s other song, “We Can Make the World a Whole Lot Brighter,” is also entertaining.
  8. “Marcia Gets Creamed.”  Season 5, Episode 7.bb8
    Yeah, that’s the actual title of the episode.  I figure they can get away with this stuff since the titles of episodes were never really public when the show aired.  Marcia gets a job in an ice cream parlor.  She gets Peter a job there too, but Peter’s a goof-off, so Marcia fires him and hires Jan.  Jan’s actually better at it than Marcia, so when the manager has to cut staff, he cuts Marcia and keeps Jan.  A favorite because I like the Marcia-Jan dynamic.
  9. “Confessions, Confessions.”  Season 2, Episode 12.bb9
    Not really that great an episode, but “Mom always said, ‘Don’t play ball in the house!'” is from this one, and it’s one of those irritating lines of dialogue you can never get out of your brain.  I’m fond of it only for this reason.
  10. “Jan’s Aunt Jenny.”  Season 3, Episode 17.bb10
    Jan finds a photo of her aunt Jenny as a kid, and she looks just like Jan.  Carol invites her over, and at first Jan is horrified because she thinks Jenny (Imogene Coca) is ugly, and that Jan will grow up to look like her.  But Jenny turns out to be a lovely person, and Jan realizes she would be blessed to grow up like her ebullient aunt.  I like Jan-centric episodes.


Did I Do That?

(there is a chance that this video won’t show up. sorry.)

FB Messenger conversation with a friend I know from years of interacting on Twitter.   A couple of years ago, I made the bold move of inviting her to friend me on FB as our real selves.  I don’t even remember how we got to know each other on Twitter.  In the early days (2006 and 2007), you would just look at the public stream and follow people who were tweeting interesting stuff.  I made some nice connections this way, but more on that in late November.  This friend is black, and she lives in Atlanta and loves TV, so she’s was the perfect person to pose my Atlanta-related questions to.

Me: Do you remember the guy in the second episode, when Earn is in the police station, who tells the story about meeting a friend he hasn’t seen in eleven years?  The one who was arrested for public intoxication?

Friend who lives in Atlanta: Yeah, I remember that exchange.

Me: Okay, I’m going to tread carefully here, so a quick disclaimer: I live in Hawaii. There are almost no black people here who aren’t connected with the military.  And one of the things I like about Atlanta is that Donald Glover is trying to put on television a world he knows is not represented on TV.  I find it all great. And fascinating. But i don’t know sometimes what’s real and what’s just made up for its comedy.  So that guy, the way he speaks?  Do you know people who have that accent?

Friend: Not much of the show is made up, from my view, but give me a few minutes. I’m going to load the episode to review that scene. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen that particular episode. [pause]  Yep, there are people who have that accent.  There are a subset of southerners — black, white, and in between — who just muddle words and syllables constantly. He may have exaggerated a few phrases to rush and give more emphasis to it, but it’s a real accent.

Me: Great!  I appreciate the insight.  Fascinating.  We all live in different worlds, but you wouldn’t know it if all you had was whatever is on TV.

Me: Okay, one more.  In the episode with the celebrity basketball game?  I think episode 5?  Were the other guys on the team (other than Paper Boi and Justin Bieber) real or fictional celebrities?  I didn’t recognize anyone, and I have a feeling I missed some jokes.  Or maybe they were fictionalized like Paper Boi himself.
Friend:  There were a couple of C-list celebrities, and the rest were fill-in extras, I think.  Jaleel White who was the character Urkel from Family Matters was one of the players.  And an Atlanta rapper who was big back in the early aughts, Lil Zane, was portrayed as well.
Me:  Ah, Urkel!  I knew I was missing something.  I never cared for that show.
Friend: Oh I LOVED that show.  But then again, I was a young piglet, so it was geared toward me.  I’m sure if I watched it now, I would tear my hair out.  LOL.  Same with Full House and all the others. 🙂
Me: Yeah but Candace Cameron. <3

Georgia on My Mind



atlanta4Because I’ve been committed to my stupid step-count goal, I haven’t found much time for television this year. I didn’t even bother to look at any of the fall TV previews in any of my usual places, so I was only vaguely aware of a few new things (mostly from promos that come on during football games), but the only new program I made an effort to catch was Atlanta on FX. There was so much critical buzz that I had to check it out.

Zazie Beetz as Van. Donald Glover as Earn.

It’s good. And Donald Glover writes it with a kind of confidence that makes me suspect he had the same final-say agreement with the network that Louis C.K. had for Louie. In only the sixth episode, he steers the show completely away from any of the main characters and centers all the story, action, and dialogue on one important but supporting character, and not in a way that serves the main characters or the (now ostensible) story arc that blankets the whole show. It’s like Glover asked himself, “What would a show about this character look like?” and then just wrote one episode of this hypothetical show.

It really works. I haven’t seen episode 7 yet, but there’s a lot of buzz about it, too. It apparently does its own thing in a way completely different from episode 6.

This guy is Justin Bieber.
This guy is Justin Bieber.

One of the things I don’t think about much as I’m watching it but only later as I’m processing is that there are all kinds of references and devices that don’t make any sense to me. In episode 2, Earn (the main character played by Glover) has a conversation with a guy in a police station. The guy has an accent I’ve never heard and only kind of understood, and it’s clear that we’re supposed to notice it: he’s given longer uninterrupted lines than almost anyone else in the episode. Earn doesn’t look like he has any problems understanding the guy. So is this character speaking in a way unique to him? Or is this a way some people in some parts of the country speak but I’ve never heard because all I know is what’s on TV?

In one episode, there is a celebrity charity basketball game. One of the participants is Justin Bieber, but he’s played here by a black actor. I don’t really get that, but it’s not that important to the episode. What strikes me is that Albert, kind of a minor celebrity himself, interacts with other participants in the game, and I don’t recognize any of them.

Do I not recognize them because they’re as fictional as Albert? Or do I not recognize them because I don’t listen to the music or watch the films these celebrities show up in? There are people watching this program who know whether or not these are fictional characters or real celebrities.

We all live in different worlds. But you might not know it just by watching television for all these years.

Atlanta has a lot going for it, but this is maybe its most valuable for me, just a reminder that we live in different worlds and that TV is not the best way to be aware of them.

健 (Ken)

Couple of new pieces on 8Asians.  A review of the season two premiere of Dr. Ken.  And a review of a new compilation album of indie/undie Asian American musicians encouraging Asian Americans to vote. EDIT: If you’re looking at this before 9:00 a.m. Monday (Hawaii time), that second link doesn’t go to anything.  Ha.  I forgot that I scheduled it to post after the weekend.

I haven’t written much here about Dr. Ken or its fellow ABC program Fresh Off the Boat, and I won’t do it now either, but it’s worth mentioning that Asians make up about 5% of the American population, yet we have nothing close to 5% representation in popular television.

When I was growing up, we had Mr. Sulu, an Asian of indeterminate ethnicity.  His first name was Hikaru, a Japanese name, but Sulu isn’t a surname in any Asian country I know of.  Then there was Pat Morita’s Arnold, for two season on Happy Days, Nurse Kellye (Kellye Nakamura) on MASH, and I think that’s about it.

Today, a good number of television programs have Asian characters, but it’s almost always just one or two.  I know I live in a weird place, where Asians are everywhere, but come on.  I’ve been to Seattle, where there are Asians everywhere you look, yet how often did you see Asians in the backgrounds of scenes in Frasier?  I’ve been to other large cities, the sort TV shows are often set in, like San Francisco, San Diego, Nashville, and Richmond.  There are Asians all over, yet it’s still unusual to see them in reasonable numbers on television shows set in cities like this.

Unlike other writers at 8A, I don’t think it’s the responsibility of networks or producers to cast Asians for accurate representation.  I just don’t know why it doesn’t happen organically.  And it isn’t meaningless to grow up American in America, and not see Americans who look like me or my friends or my family or my teachers or normal people on the street.

I actually have something to say about this, something reasonable and perhaps interesting, but today is not the day.  I’ll just take a moment today to say that for all its flaws, I almost feel like I need Dr. Ken to succeed.  It’s why I was so frustrated last season.  I don’t want it to succeed because it’s one of two shows to feature an Asian American family.  I want it to succeed on its merits, and it just didn’t try hard enough to be good last year.

I’m mildly encouraged by Friday’s premiere.

Newb Tube Two

In the past year, I’ve lost The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, and The Late Show with David Letterman, and I did pick up The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, but I’m really not that interested in the new Daily Show with Trevor Noah. I haven’t even taken a look at it. Ditto the Ferguson replacement.

Colbert is finding his audience, as all late-night talkshow hosts need to do, and it’s one of my favorite things in TV: seeing how these guys figure out what’s working and what’s not, and seeing their audience evolve with the show through its changes. Honestly, it’s a little rough right now, except for a pretty good live band, what has become a short, nightly segment on politics and current events (which I was hoping he wouldn’t do, because it’s a ground that’s too familiar for him), and the interviews. The week before last, he had Oprah Winfrey on, and they traded favorite scripture with each other, which was really great to see. The jury’s still out, but I think he’s going to be okay.

I’m still down with The Big Bang Theory, but I’m thinking that show needs to be retired soon. The decision to have Sheldon and Amy break up is probably going to salvage this season for me; however, the cast has become so bloated, and the characters so comfy, that the show has lost its heart, the thing that made it special in its first few seasons.

And of course there are all the usual sports things. My favorite show on TV is still ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption, and I’m still watching Highly Questionable with Dan LeBatard and Bomani Jones, and I TiVo Around the Horn every day, but I pretty much only watch it on days after significant sports events, such as every Monday morning. Most times, I archive the show for some time later. I watch as much of the NFL as I can, and this week it’s the World Series.

Supergirl premiered this evening but I’m waiting until just before bed to give it a look. I have high hopes.

Newb Tube

It’s been a month or so since the new TV season began (with a few exceptions; I’m still waiting on Supergirl Monday and Mom sometime thereabouts), so here’s a quick rundown of what I’m watching.

The most pleasant surprise has been Fargo, whose first season about a year and a half ago seemed to come out of nowhere and blow everyone (who saw it) away.  I probably wouldn’t have paid it any mind except that certain writers I respect were raving about it the week before it premiered.  It was excellent.  Maybe the first television I felt the need to discuss with others since Ally McBeal.  The new season had me wary, but only because I just didn’t see how it could equal the first season.  And so far, it has come pretty close.  I don’t see an Allison Tollman for this season, which is kind of a disappointment, but Kirsten Dunst could be this year’s Billy Bob Thornton: a known entity playing something completely different.  She’s been enthralling so far, a real puzzle.  I also like Ted Danson a lot so far.  It’s only been two episodes (of twelve), so if you’re missing the boat, it’s not too late to get caught up.

I’m a lifelong Muppets fan, as most people are, I guess.  The original The Muppet Show is one of my favorite TV series of all time, a show that impresses me more now that I’m old enough to know what to be impressed by.  This new show, The Muppets, a kind of takeoff on The Office, has Miss Piggy hosting a late-night talk show, with the rest of the crew as the production/performing team.  Fozzy is the show’s announcer and audience warm-up; Statler and Waldorf are regular audience members; Scooter is, as he always has been, a gofer; Kermit is the producer.  I totally get the criticisms, and I’m on board with a few of them.  The fat jokes aimed at Piggy are a bit much, and perhaps an anachronism of sorts for television today.  Like The Larry Sanders Show, another clear inspiration, we mostly only see behind-the-scenes stuff, which is the biggest disappointment.  The Muppets are show people.  Performers.  One of the inspiring things about the original show was the joy these characters felt in just getting on stage and performing, something that’s sorely missing from this.  Where’s the Kermit who was discovered sitting on a log in a swamp, singing “Rainbow Connection?”  Still, the characters are there, and they’re lovely and wonderful and I honestly can’t get enough.  And as I told Anto a few weeks ago, this completely new setting makes it easier for me to deal with the characters having different voices.

Dr. Ken, the new sitcom with Ken Jeoong, is uneven, but I’m on board for the whole season (and ABC just last week ordered the full season; it is the first of the new shows to receive the order) because I’m reviewing episodes for  The show is trying really hard to do some important things besides making people laugh, something I admire, but it really needs to be good entertainment first and good Asian American entertainment second, you know?  The cast is strong, for the most part, especially Dr. Ken’s family, anchored by Suzy Nakamura as Ken’s psychiatrist wife, and the chemistry between the two doctors is the show’s strongest element so far.  I’m not as in love with the way the staff at Ken’s HMO is being fleshed out, which is a disappointment because Tisha Campbell-Martin is there, and I love her.  The only reason I kept watching Martin on Fox in the 90s when it stopped being funny was her.

Which of course brings me to season two of Fresh off the Boat, which I am also doing episode reviews for. I have to say that it’s still uneven, but the season is a lot stronger than I expected. It’s doing a few things really well, giving Eddie a new love interest, and continuing to develop Jessica’s relationships with the other characters.

I’m TiVoing Life in Pieces, but haven’t watched any of it yet. It looks promising. I’m also TiVoing Last Man on Earth, that Will Forte series, but I only get to it once in a while. It’s excellent, though, and I’m sure I’d be more enthusiastic about it if I’d seen the first season. Definitely my kind of show. Alienation, baby.

For now, I’m down with Quantico too. I checked it out because of its star, Priyanka Chopra (ABC seems to be leading the pack in Asians, if you count CBS’s Hawaii Five-0 as just one multi-Asians thing), and got sucked into the story. I’m not sure I’ll stick with it, because it’s not really my genre, and if they plan to yank me along for a whole season without giving me enough development, I probably won’t make it. But it’s good so far.

I’m going to have to continue this tomorrow. It’s 12:33 in the afternoon, and I’m due at the annual NaNoWriMo kickoff, which I will also discuss later.

I’m Done Chasing Monsters in the Dark

This isn’t my life anymore, Mulder. I’m done chasing monsters in the dark.

Scully was wrong, of course, and so were we all, because The X-Files returns with six episodes beginning at the end of January, just in time for the end of football season.

I have to admit that I’m not a true X-Phile. My friend Grace is. She has all the episodes on VHS, and if I know Grace (and I do; we’ve been friends since seventh grade), each cassette is carefully labeled and indexed, not only with episode titles, but names of writers, directors, and guest stars. For this reason, she disapproves of most of my sad, misdirected fandom of the program, because the things I like are the things that kind of brought the show down, in her eyes. When I told her that I liked the second movie, I Want to Believe, the first thing she asked me was, “What’s your favorite episode of the TV series?” This was going to tell her all she needed to know about how seriously to take my impression of the film, which she was not in a hurry to see.

I’d heard the buzz, of course, and I’d seen the commercials, but nothing about the show’s publicity or press made me want to see it. Then my friend Cathy asked me if I wanted to see the first movie. I went along and really liked the film. So Cathy, who was already kind of a casual fan, started coming over on X-Files night to watch it with me. Between the night we saw the first film and the night the series finally limped across the finish line, we watched every episode at either her house or mine.

I actually liked the show in its last, painful season. But it was true: we were all hanging on just to see it through, you know? I was pleased with the way it ended. On the science vs. faith, Scully vs. Mulder thing, I was firmly on the side of faith, but while it was Mulder who believed and Scully who was skeptical, Scully had the church background, and in those last few episodes, the tension was a lot more specifically about religious faith, and that of course made the show a lot more interesting for me.

I never did go back and fill in blanks in my X-Files viewing, another reason I’m not a true X-Phile. But now that I’ve paid for a year of Prime, and because all nine seasons are available on Prime, I’m making an effort at least to catch up to where I started watching, whenever the first film was released. Season 7?

If I see them all, it’ll be three seasons per month, or about three fourths of a season each week. I think I can do that.

I’m so far three episodes into season one. It’s a lot less relationshippy than the show later becomes, which is of course Grace’s reason for not liking later episodes as much. She’s so funny. The relationships are the reason to stick with any series for more than a few seasons. That’s why The Big Bang Theory has gotten lame: while it still understands that it’s a show about relationshps, the cast has become so ridiculously large that it can’t meaningfully continue the development of the relationships among the original central characters, so it’s lost all kinds of focus, and it’s just not as interesting or as meaningful as it once was.

Another thing I’ve noticed about these first few episodes is that there’s no attempt to explain anything! Stories resolve but with no real explanations. That’s not a complaint, but it’s testimony to the show’s longer vision, which is perhaps one reason the fandom is so rabid, and perhaps a reason the payoff at the series conclusion was unsatisfying to some.

I’m stoked about the new season. There’ve been a lot of questions about who will be involved, or what the relationships will look like when it picks up. Those are all interesting, but the thing I really want to know (but I don’t want to know in advance, so don’t tell me if you’ve heard something), is whether or not the Lone Gunmen will be involved. They’re supposed to be dead, but of course it’s more than plausible that they faked their own deaths, either by choice or by force, because they were getting too close to something. Yes. I so want to see them in at least one of the new episodes.

This is Better than Real TV, Isn’t It?

“Our next presenter has two things in common with L.L. Bean. Please welcome L.L. Cool J.” — Andy Samberg on Sunday night’s Emmy awards show.

Nothing significant about that quote except that it made me laugh.

This seems like a good time to write something I’ve wanted to write for kind of a long time. The Late Show with David Letterman went off the air in May, and yes, of course at my age I’ve seen lots of great shows come and go, with the exception of M*A*S*H, the greatest television show of all time, none has left the void in my life that I knew David Letterman’s departure would leave. My real-life friends know, just based on our conversations, that no single television program has meant more to me than The Late Show.

For the longest time, I didn’t know how to talk about why Letterman was so great. I could point to certain characteristics of the show itself, such as the best television band in the world, or I could point to specific memories that left my mind blown by what television entertainment could be, such as the guy on Stupid Human Tricks who snorted milk up his nose and then shot it out of his eye (or, another of my favorites, Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get a Table at the Russian Tea Room?). But it was Craig Ferguson, while he was settling into his groove on The Late Late Show, who said Johnny Carson kind of defined the late-night talkshow format as we know it, and then David Letterman deconstructed it.

Yes. That’s exactly what he did. Ed Sullivan would follow the Beatles with a dancing bear, and it was all supposed to be entertainment. But Letterman read a letter from an old lady offering to read her poetry on the show, then had the old lady on the show, and then interrupted her just as she began to read her poem. He asked the audience if it would rather listen to this old woman’s poetry or watch a fat guy leap into a hammock filled with raw eggs. The audience voted for the fat guy, the old woman left the stage, and the fat guy leapt into the hammock, cracking eggs and dripping yolks all over the stage. Of course the old lady and the fat man were actors, and the whole thing was just a silly setup so that we could look at something on TV we hadn’t seen before, but honestly: what was the difference between that silly thing and Don Rickles insulting Johnny Carson in one of his countless appearances on The Tonight Show?

I couldn’t stay up late when I was in high school, so I seldom got to see Letterman on the old Late Night until I got to college, when I saw him just about every night. I moved to Hilo to finish my BA at UH-Hilo in the fall of 1993, which is when Letterman moved to CBS with The Late Show, and I’ve pretty much seen him every night since, minus a few years at the beginning of my teaching career. And nobody has made me laugh more in all that time than David Letterman. That by itself is all the reason I need. Recent years have brought Jon Stewart and Jon Oliver on TV and Tony Kornheiser on radio, and they’ve all filled my days with even better laughter, to be honest, but it’s different, the way Letterman has made me laugh.

I’m going to miss him so much.

Stream of Consciousness: Grammys

Performance: The quality of an AC/DC performance hinges on Brian Johnson’s ability to sound semi-close to his records, something he doesn’t always pull off. But he did it this time. Angus seemed a little lackluster, but I’m cutting him slack because he’s like seventy. I was curious about who was on rhythm guitar and it turns out it’s Stevie Young, a nephew of Angus and Malcolm, so that’s cool.

Best new artist: Please, not Iggy and not Sam. Ugh. It’s Sam. HE SUCKS! Man, would I have loved to see Bastille get that, but it’s amazing enough that Bastille was nominated.

Performance: Jessie J with Tom Jones doing “Unchained Melody.” I hate this song. I don’t have issues with the singers. I just hate that song. Fast-forwarding.

Best Pop Solo: It’s a great field. I’d vote for Taylor’s “Shake it Off.” It goes to…Pharrell for “Happy (live).” Ah well.

Performance: Miranda Lambert, “Little Red Wagon” or something like that. She’s hot, but this just isn’t my cup of tea. I’m going to let this play while I get a snack.

Best Pop Vocal: Please, anyone but Sam. Dang it.

Performance: Kanye. Kanye is a songwriting, producing genius, but he really can’t sing or rap. Pretty good performance tonight. I like this. “You’re not perfect, but you’re not your mistakes.”

Performance: Madonna. OH MY GOODNESS LOOK AT THOSE LEGS. The song isn’t great, and her singing has been better, but this performance is sizzling.

Best rock album: I already know Beck won this because I saw it on Twitter. Not a bad choice. I would rather it had gone to U2.

Best R&B Performance: Well here my prejudices show. I don’t know any of these songs. Beyonce and Jay-Z take it, and I have no meaningful comment.

Performance: Ed Sheeran with Herbie Hancock, ?uestlove, and others. Good performance. And a really good song. These guys really laid it down.

Peformance: Wow, what the heck? ELO doing “Evil Woman.” That’s a curveball I didn’t see coming. And now Ed Sheeran rejoins him and they do “Mr. Blue Sky” together. This is EXCELLENT. Geez, that really was great.

Performance: Adam Levine and Gwen Stefani. This is…well, it’s okay so far.

Performance: Hozier. Ugh. I haaaaaate this song. I’m fast-forwarding. Ah heck. I was fast-forwarding and I saw Annie Lennox. Now I have to go back and watch the whole thing. Eh. It was okay.

Best Country Album: My hormones want Brandy Clark to win this. And…Miranda Lambert. I can live with that.

Performance: Pharrell. Yeah. It’s fine.

Performance: Something about domestic violence, introduced by the President. I’m fast-forwarding over this too. It’s a bit melodramatic for me.

Performance: Katy Perry. Sorry. I like her but I can’t get into this song or this performance. This is this year’s version of last year’s same-sex marriage moment with Macklemore and Queen Latifah. I think there’s a way to pull this off in a sincere, effective way, but the Grammys haven’t found it yet.

Performance: Imagine Dragons. They were one of the buzziest bands after last year’s ceremony. This is fine.

Performance: Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga. I’ve already heard them perform this together (I think it was on Jon Stewart). Gaga basically holds the song together while Tony does his usual thing.

Performance: Usher. It’s okay.

Performance: Eric Church. Also okay.

Performance: Brandy Clark. This is more like it.

What happened to the awards?

Performance: Kanye, Rihanna, and Paul McCartney. This actually works well. I’m enjoying this.

Performance: Sam Smith with Mary J. Blige. I hate this song. I’m fast-forwarding over it.

Performance: Juanes, “Juntos.” This is kind of cool.

Album of the Year: Please, please, please. Anyone but Sam Smith. Wow, Beck. Totally unexpected.

Performance: Sia. She was a disappointment on SNL. Okay, this is bizarre but it’s really, really cool. I am not a fan of that dancing stuff she keeps employing with this album, but the singing with her face to the wall? Very neat. The stage set is cool too. And what a finish. Wow.

Song of the Year: “Stay with Me.” Bleah.

Dave Grohl reads a thank-you to David Letterman. That’s kind of cool.

Performance: Beck. With no turntables and a microphone. Is that Chris Martin singing with him?

Record of the Year: Please not Sam Smith. Suck! Aw suckity suck suck.

In Memoriam: Andrae Crouch. Pete Seeger. Big Bank Hank. Gerry Goffin. Paco de Lucia. I didn’t know about Paco and Big Bank. Gotta Google those.

Performance: Beyonce. She’s great. But this is just okay. I think the Grammys these past two years have been stricken with a bad case of the Seriousnesses.

Geez. That was a huge waste of time, and the show basically sucked. It had a few good moments, but all in all it was kind of a yawn.