chalkdust

So much to write about but no energy. It’s been a crazy first week of November, which is the first week of NaNoWriMo and the first week of working in the office with everyone at the nonprofit. We’re all a bit stressed in the transition.

Friday 5 instead.

When you buy tickets to a Guns N’ Roses show, you never know what you’re getting. So much depends on Axl’s mood. When he wants to do a good show, he does a great show, and when GNR played Honolulu three years ago he and the band clearly wanted to. They played nearly three and a half hours and it was just a really good performance from beginning to end. They looked like they were having a great time, too, for the last performance on this leg of their long tour.

They were very careful on stage about their future together. It sounded like Slash and Axl weren’t making promises, but they were feeling good about things, and they would see what happens. Yeah, they said all this after the last encore, which is a little weird for stage banter. They were clearly adrenalized from a great show in front of a most appreciative audience.

It was a pricy ticket, but I seriously doubt anyone thought he or she didn’t get his or her money’s worth. Even though the band didn’t play two songs I wanted to hear. Yeah, it’s possible for a band with only six studio albums, playing from only four of them, to leave some really good songs out of the set list!

1. What unique behavior, attire, or ceremony element have you seen at a wedding?
   I’ve seen some appalling behavior, but I’m going to stay positive here and say I thought it was poetic and pretty cool when Tash and Dave took communion together, privately with their backs turned to the congregation, for their first act as a married couple. I also liked when Arjay taped Tara’s garter to a basketball (they met in a gym playing basketball) before tossing it over his shoulder like it was a no-look pass.
2. Who’s your favorite piano player?
   So many to choose from, and although I have favorite players of just about every other rock band instrument, I don’t know if I have one for piano. Rick Wakeman (of Yes) is the first I think of, but I think I only like him in the context of Yes. Bruce Hornsby. Jordan Rudess of Dream Theater. There have been days when R was the easy answer. Sorry; I might have to come back to this one.
3. When did rain notably ruin your plans?
   It does this all the time when I have plans to swim at the beach. I don’t mind swimming in the rain; I mind swimming after the rain. When the island is saturated or when the rain comes down too quickly for the ground to absorb it, it runs right into the sea, and you do not want to swim in that yuckiness. Very often I will go to bed early so I can have a sunrise swim, only to discover it has poured like demons all night long. It’s most disappointing.
4. What is your going-to-bed ritual like?
   I actually have one, now that I’m of a certain age with certain conditions needing attention. Assuming I’ve locked up the house, done the dishes, and brushed my teeth by the time I’m ready to turn in, I put some ice and drinking water into a small water flask Grace gave me for Christmas, so if I wake up thirsty I have water right by my bed. It’s the only food or drink allowed in my bedroom, ever. Then I set timers for two prescription eyedrops, which I have to lie still for, for four minutes each with six minutes in between. Those times are actually longer than necessary, but I like to play it safe. Then I pour distilled water into my Darth Vader machine, strap it to my face, drop my sleeping mask over my eyes, and lie flat on my back, where on a good night I will stay for six to seven hours, but usually only for four or five.
5. When did you last give roses to someone or receive them from someone?
   I used to give roses to people all the time but I’m only realizing now that it’s been a very long time. I gave sunflowers to all the office support staff on the first day of school when I was teaching, once. Anonymously. That was fun. Okay, this is a lame answer, but I often pick up leis for people at Cindy’s Lei Shop, the best lei shop in Honolulu, volunteering to grab something on the way to work on behalf of coworkers who will Venmo me part of the price. I did this yesterday morning, in fact, for a coworker who’s leaving. While I can’t remember specifically buying anyone a lei with rosebuds on it, I’m sure I have some time in the past five years, so that’s going to have to do. I’m a single guy who’s romantically not seeing or courting anyone. Roses are too risky. Don’t want to be misread. When I was younger and didn’t mind being misread and when my intentions were blatant anyway, I bought lots of roses for lots of lovely young women. I thought I was being charming or something. Now I think I was being a doofus.

(than we ever learned in school)

From here.

1. Who needs you?
   I’m a single guy who mostly sticks to himself, so I don’t think anyone actually needs me, but since I try to be the here-if-you-need-me guy, the person who needs me changes on the reg and doesn’t come around very often. Similarly, I don’t think my parents need me, but they need me to be ready when they need me. I think this counts. I kept myself away from people for a year in case they should need me. Isn’t this a great Leo Sayer song?
2. Who runs to you?
   Everyone’s mentioning their pets in response to this question, and it’s a good one. My parents’ dog gets pretty psyched to see me when I go over. They say he recognizes the sound of my car coming up the hill (much to my embarrassment, it’s a very loud car) and runs to the fence to watch me pull into the driveway. Then he meets me halfway down the stair as I’m coming up to the living room. There are worse ways to be greeted than excitedly by a dog, I tell you.
3. Who forgets you?
   I don’t know what it means that, while people may forget my name, they seldom forget me. There’s a guy on this island whom I run into every five years or so, and he calls my name and says, “You still don’t know who I am, do you?” And I have to admit I don’t, but could he please tell me? And he never does. Whoever it is, he’s known me since we were kids, so I probably haven’t forgotten him: I just don’t recognize him because while I almost never forget a name, I forget a face very, very often. Ohhh I just thought of a good group of people. My students’ parents. Which is more than fair. I think we forget each other. To them, I’m just one of a long string of teachers they met maybe once a year. To me, they’re quite often more types than they are people, which isn’t fair, but I suppose I’m just a type to them as well. It’s okay. We know each other when we have to know each other, and then we forget each other. One parent I have not forgotten recently announced her candidacy for governor of Hawaii. We interacted a lot for a few years when I taught her son — she even sat next to me at another student’s graduation dinner. I had a bit of a thing for her and still do. I wonder if she’s forgotten me.
4. Who keeps you hangin’ on?
   People are answering this question as if it’s asking who keeps you from losing your grip, which is fine. But I think the lyrics to the song have more to do with keeping someone on the hook. Like, get out of my life, why don’t you? You’re just keeping me on the hook and I’m ready to move along. To which my answer is perhaps nobody. I’m the one who can’t let go of people; they don’t have to keep me hanging on because I can’t seem to loosen my grip. That friend Ali whose text messages helped me get through the first year of the pandemic has ceased to communicate with me altogether, and I miss her, even though I pretty much know it was too volatile a friendship for either of us. I’ve backed off completely, knowing she won’t respond well to my reaching out again, but I still have wisps of hope that we can be friends.
5. Who’s watching you?
   As one respondent pointed out, when you journal online as I do, you don’t know who’s watching, and I’m intentionally pretty visible on different channels. I keep all my social media accounts wide open too. It’s just a life I want to live, for now, which means I don’t know who’s reading what I write, or looking at my photos, or judging me for the music I listen to or the films I like. I’m sure there are more than a few people who note every error I make in spelling or punctuation, since I’m famously (but really only supposedly) a language snob, taking wicked glee in my hypocritical ignorance. It’s fine. I hope they also see a person who’s trying his best not to reach for that other half of the pizza too.
   

Allelu, allelu, allelu, alleluia; praise ye the lord. I’m caught up with work for the first time in nearly a year. I’m not joking. Of course, this was made possible by my boss not giving me anything new until I could finish all the old, which I’m grateful for. I did get a couple of short-notice proposals to work on, but I handled them quickly, so my caught-up status is now two whole workdays old.

I’ve been sleeping better, almost surely as a result.

Wednesday night I felt so good about it I braved Costco for the first time in 16 months. Loaded up on non-perishables and some stuff for the hurricane kit. I dropped kind of a ridiculous amount of money and of course I forgot batteries. Batteries were one of the main reasons I went to Costco. Ugh.

So I went back Thursday night. 8:00 in the evening both nights. It closes at 8:30. And it wasn’t crazy or especially scary. Anyway I’m in pretty good shape heading into hurricane season, better prepared than I’ve ever been.

My coworker who works on Kauai was on island Friday evening, so I went to dinner with her and a few others. My first dining-out experience since mid-August when I went into self-imposed second lockdown (Lockdown 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown). We went to Olive Garden because the coworker’s staying in the Ala Moana Hotel. The meal was aight but the company was nice. It was good to sit down with humans and have a meal and just be together. And Ala Moana wasn’t as crazy as I expected for Friday night.

If you have Netflix and haven’t seen Cooking with Paris, I recommend the heck out of it. Entertaining. Silly. Funny. And surprisingly clever.

I also watched the Arsenio Hall standup special, which was okay. And one of the Tig Notaro specials. It was great. Tig’s comedy is something else. I’m going to watch her other thing and possibly write a short essay on how she does what she does.

Betcha can’t wait for that.

Friday 5: Accessory to Cinema, from here.

1. What’s your favorite weapon in a movie?
   I actually have a top ten. Posted to Hawaii Threads in January 2008. As I considered my answers last night before peeking at my list, I decided I’m taking all firearms off the list. The last thing I care to do these days is contribute to fetishizing guns. So here’s my list with firearms redacted: (10) The Nude Bomb from The Nude Bomb, that ridiculous wonderful Get Smart movie. (9) Harry Potter’s wand. This would be much higher if the wands in the films were like their descriptions in the novels. (8) Bruce Lee’s hands and feet. (7) Go-Go Yubari’s meteor hammer in Kill Bill Part 1. (6) Wolverine’s Adamantium claws in the X-Men and Wolverine films. (5) redacted. (4) Jason Voorhees’s machete. (3) redacted. (2) Darth Maul’s light sabre bo staff in Star Wars Episode 1. (1) Indiana Jones’s whip.
2. What’s your favorite car in a movie?
   So many great movie cars. My answer today is the Audi RSQ, a fictional car in Will Smith’s I, Robot. Spheres for wheels.
3. What’s your favorite cat or dog in a movie?
   I decided when I wrote these questions I wasn’t going with animated dogs, disqualifying Rowlf in the Muppets movies, Snoopy in the Peanuts movies, Perdita and Pongo in 101 Dalmations, and Gromit in the Wallace and Gromit films. So I’m going way off the board and taking Brutus, the Great Dane in Disney’s The Ugly Dachshund.
4. Who’s your favorite sidekick in a movie?
   Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies. Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings films next.
5. What’s your favorite painting or sculpture in a movie?
   “Love isn’t love without a violin-playing goat.” Julia Roberts, talking about La Mariée by Marc Chagall in Notting Hill. Chagall is my favorite. Second place is probably A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Pointillism, baby.

I have a lot to write about, but my brain is porridge these days, so you’re just getting a Friday 5 right now and maybe some journaling over the weekend. We’ll see.

I will say that if you’re a pumpkin spice fan, as I am, check out the new (presumably seasonal) pumpkin spice Special K breakfast cereal. Cereal lovers should love it. I like it rather a lot.

From here.

1. What complaints do you have about this weekend?
   Two days off and nobody to tell me what to do? Who needs it! I’ll add my vote to a predicted chorus of “it’s not long enough,” of course. Rain probabilities in my neighborhood this weekend are 43% Friday, 54% Saturday, and 44% Sunday. The Raiders are undefeated after two games and host the Dolphins in Vegas Sunday, which I suspect will be a heartbreaker. The big item on my to-do list is housecleaning. The Athletics are having a terrible September and are likely to play themselves out of the post season this weekend. Yeah, I got a problem with you, upcoming weekend!
2. What are your grievances with yourself?
   I’m in a ridiculous pandemic funk I can’t get out of, and it’s affecting my health, my work, and my interactions with people, such as they exist. I’ve taken steps to deal with some of the things stressing me out, but I need to do more, and I honestly don’t know if it’s helping, beyond the immediate satisfaction of crossing them off the stress list.
3. What are your objections to rainbows, flowers, and puppies?
   Freaking rainbows. They only show up when it rains. Where are they when the weather’s lovely? Also, they distract me when I’m driving north through Nuuanu because at certain times of day, you’re likely to see a nice one. Nuuanu Valley seems to be built for rainbows — on campus at HBA where I went to school and where I also taught, they usually popped up in the space between the gym and the main classroom building, looking north into the valley. So distracting! And flowers? Fleeting beauty followed by a reminder of death, decay, and the dust to which we all must return. I guess those are all sort of synonyms. Puppies are horrible because I can’t have them where I live. Also, I’ve spent my whole professional life afraid to commit to a puppy since I didn’t know what my family situation was going to be like. Now twenty years have gone by and I still live by myself and probably could have had a dog all this time, and now I’m annoyed. All those wasted puppy-less years.
4. What are your criticisms about your domicile?
   Well obviously, not being allowed puppies is a major issue. Also: I can’t afford a housecleaner. Forget the rent being far, far lower than the market would suggest and just about the right amount of space for a person like me, and the proximity to the city to do anything within fifteen minutes while being far enough away not to feel threatened by its ills.
5. What’s your beef with excessively negative people?
   My biggest beef with them is their tendency to focus on themselves and to be unconcerned with the problems of others. It’s the easiest way to be depressed about oneself and the laziest way to live. Excessively negative people are a downer: they diminish my view of people in general, and I try my best to stay far away from them. Thankfully, most of my friends are the opposite — excessively positive. Maybe that makes me hypersensitive to excessive negativity, but that’s fine.

Bring on the lousy weekend!

I’m in a bit of a furrow these days. Certainly not an abyss, thank God, and not quite a pit. I spent a little bit of time at the end of the work week trying to make myself feel better at least about the things in my control. More later. Meanwhile, the Friday 5s from this week and last.

Ax + By = C. From here.

1. It’s been said (notably by Divinyls in 1985) there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. How has this proven true in your life?
   This concept was posited the first time in a Philosophy 100 course at Leeward Community College. I didn’t like the course much, but I liked the professor. I dropped the class because I couldn’t stand my classmates. The prof mentioned the fine line between pleasure and pain, and some classmates laughed and said it was ridiculous. The professor asked if anyone disagreed with the dissenting classmates. I just said the word “hot sauce” to myself, but the prof heard me and used that as an example. Heck yeah hot sauce. So painful sometimes but so pleasurable.
2. Where in your life have you witnessed the fine line between genius and insanity?
   I know a lot of writers, musicians, and artists, and there’s an element of this with many of them. Most people who know her wouldn’t guess it, but R has some darkness in her. I’ve seen her teetering on the brink a time or two, and didn’t always know what to do about it. She dips into it when she writes or when she plays piano, and she’s the best writer I know.
3. Where do you draw the fine line between supporting someone and enabling someone?
   I’ve never been able to in my personal life. Tough love cannot get its claws into me. I’ve sent people I love money to fly home from bad Las Vegas trips, against the advice of their friends. I’ll keep doing it if I need to. Thankfully, this particular thing hasn’t happened since the 90s, but it’s a good example. Professionally, drawing that line is part of the job. Clear expectations and consistent follow-through; I know they make me a better teacher, even if there are casualties along the way. This doesn’t mean there’s no room for grace: of course there is. But as one colleague once wrote as a report comment, “Sometimes in this flawed world, the grace runs out.”
4. Which sides of the fine lines between caution and cowardice, and between courage and foolhardiness do you tend toward?
   I’m on the side of cowardice more often than caution, I’m sad to say. It’s one of the things I beat myself up most about. And definitely foolhardiness. I cannot tell you how many reckless things I’ve done just because I didn’t consider the consequences. Or because the consequences didn’t matter. That’s definitely not courage. I’ve actually done stupid things just because I thought it would be a good story. That’s not courage either.
5. Tasked with drawing a literal fine line, what is your writing utensil of choice?
   New York magazine ran a list of the 100 best pens, and I’ve been sloooowly working my way through each pen listed higher than mine. This qualifies me to give a good answer, and my answer today is my answer for the past 20 years: the Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball pen. Number 16 on this list, ladies and gentlemen, but number one in our hearts.

Wolf! From here.

1. When are you the tortoise, and when are you the hare?
   “Slow and steady wins the race” is practically tattooed on my soul, except the winning the race part. I take too long to do almost everything. I’m the last to finish eating at almost any table. People think I come in on weekends or stay late at night at work because I work hard. I don’t. I work slowly. I think one instance where I’ve been the hare is with Christmas shopping. I usually set aside one weekend in October or November and (these days) do almost all the shopping online and take care of it at once. This is mostly true for my first- and second-tier friends. I take a little more time with family, and usually shop locally, but yeah: I still get it done quickly most of the time.
2. When are you the grasshopper, and when are you the ants?
   Besides working slowly, I also procrastinate and take impulsive side-trips for fun, so I’m the grasshopper just about every day. I’m lazy. But I still mostly get the stuff done. It just take me longer once I get moving. I’m ants, a grasshopper, and a tortoise.
3. When were you the lion, and when were you the mouse?
   I don’t know how to talk about this really, but in recent years I’ve gone out of my way to help people who were kind of scary. Drunk homeless people at bus stops. Drunk non-homeless people waiting for buses (I actually told this story in this space, the one where I helped him find his phone). I think those are good mouse stories, although calling the people I helped lions may be a stretch. There was certainly nothing regal or menacing about them. Just unpredictably dangerous, maybe. I’ve been humbled more than once when students have reached out to help me. I hate asking for help, but there are a few times when I was genuinely helped, me the person not me the teacher, by a concerned student who didn’t see me as an authority figure in the moment but as a human who needed help.
4. Are you more like the town mouse or the country mouse?
   I hate to push, but the best answer is I’m half of each. My favorite places in this state are Molokai and Hilo, definitely the country. I believe I’ll likely retire to Hilo someday. But man, I do love being in town, close to everything.
5. Which fable told in your childhood has resonated with you through the years?
   The one I frequently go to is the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I try never to be an alarmist; in fact I’ve been asked to be more alarmed than I was more than once. But there’s an element here that’s really not about being alarmist. The boy wasn’t genuinely alarmed; he was either mischievous or dishonest, or just insecure. I’ve been guilty of them all, and while I’m mostly unrepentant about mischief, I’d like to be less dishonest. I think it’ll make me less insecure.

From here: Unto others.

1. When did you last give (or serve) something you cooked to someone not in your residence?
   There’s this traditional Hawaiian dessert called kūlolo. I grew up here and never heard of it until like ten years ago. It’s good. It’s basically grated taro, coconut milk, and brown sugar. When you show up at someone’s house with it, people get very happy. And it’s pricey. Maybe that’s why people get happy when you bring it over. So I saw this pretty easy Instant Pot recipe for it and I’ve made it five times now, and people really like it. This week I made some Monday night and Wednesday night and gave it to coworkers, plus some for Penny, which I dropped off at her place this morning. If I get good enough at making it, so I can make it quickly and confidently enough to bring to potlucks (when we have potlucks again, if ever!), I think I’ll make this my usual contribution. People get excited. I’ll be the potluck winner.
2. When did someone — not a restaurant or takeout spot or housemate! — last prepare a dish for you?
   She didn’t prepare it for me, but she prepared it and gave some to me. Crush Girl gave me some cookies about a year ago, when we were still mostly locked down. I gave her some mochi I made. It was a good trade!
3. When did you last reach out to someone who could use some company?
   I don’t know about whether or not he could use company, but I’ve texted Ryan a couple of times since Jennifer died. Just in case.
4. When did someone last reach out to you for similar reasons?
   Mmmm that’s a good question. Penny texted me last week, when it looked like our state might go back into lockdown, to say if I needed to shelter at home she would be glad to bring me whatever I needed. She probably made the offer to a bunch of people, knowing her, and it was really thoughtful. I texted her back that I wasn’t that worried about myself these days, and was in fact on my way to a new speakeasy in town with some coworkers.
5. How good a listener are you when someone needs to talk it out?
   I suffer from the guy impulse: listen so I can try to fix the problem. I’m very aware of this as a flawed approach, and I’m not nearly as bad about it as I used to be. I’m learning. I still have the impulse as strongly as ever, but I’m learning just to sit and listen, especially when the other person is a woman. So I’ll say I may not be as good as most women, but I think I’m better than most men. Which is almost good enough for me!

I missed last week’s Five, and it was the annual Scattergories game, so I’m going to do it now. From here: Scattergories part 11.

The random letter generator gave me G.

1. What’s something that recently exceeded your expectations?
   I really want to say The Queen’s Gambit, which I am three episodes into, but I think that’s not a valid answer, so hm. Oh, I know. A few weeks ago I checked out this spot in my hood called Griddle N Grindz. I’ve seen the photos on social media, so I knew to expect massive portions, but the photos of the chicken katsu didn’t look especially appetizing. Let me say I grew up eating my mom’s amazing tonkatsu and chicken katsu and nobody’s has ever come close to hers. Until that day at GnG. It was very close. Close enough that if my eyes were closed and you put it in my mouth I would guess it was hers. Amazing. I have a photo around here somewhere but I just said the photos don’t really communicate well enough, so I’ll refrain.
2. What snack from your childhood would you love to have right now?
   I’m sure I’m thinking of this because Kimberly’s answer was similar. When we were growing up in San Francisco, the Navy Commissary sold the Granny Goose version of Otter Pops. I never saw an Otter Pop until we moved to Hawaii. These were called Goos Bars. They were something of a comfort food — a daily snack in my preschool days meaning I was being cared for. I’m sure they’re gross now, but I would looooove for my mom to hack off the end with her chef’s knife and serve me a purple Goos Bar.
3. What ailment do you suffer from?
   Gimpy knees. Especially my left knee.
4. Which musical artist would be fun to hang out with?
   Ginger Spice, Gillian Welsh, and Selena Gomez would do it for me, but if Amy Grant‘s free, yes pleeeeeeeease.
5. What’s something you’re looking forward to this weekend?
   I guess I can’t say The Queen’s Gambit here either. So I’ll say games. I’m going to explore the app store for some games that will play well on the iPad, probably step away from my usual genres, like word games and puzzle games, and try something completely different. There are also some good baseball games coming up this weekend.

From here. I want to embed videos and WordPress doesn’t handle this well within numbered lists, so I’m going to format this one a little differently. It’s sloppy, but at least not as sloppy as trying to fit this all into one list the normal way.

1. What kiddie song do you still like as a grownup?

I love a lot of kiddie songs. “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” is probably my favorite song ever, but while it certainly sings like a kiddie song, I don’t think it is. So give me (in this order, I think) “Jesus Loves Me,” “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?,” “Ulili E,” “It’s a Beautiful Day,” “In a Cabin,” and “Arky Arky.”

2. When did a new* song most recently* get you excited?

In recent years I’ve really put in some effort to keep up with new music. You should see my spreadsheets. This one’s pretty easy to answer. Taylor Swift’s “No Body, No Crime” is a murder ballad from last year’s Evermore album. First, it’s really well done. Second, it’s a murder ballad. On a Taylor Swift album. Did not see that coming!

3. What song were you introduced to via television ad or as background in a movie or TV show?

Two commercials made me run out and buy the albums the songs are from. More recently, The Heavy’s “How You Like Me Now?” in a 2010 Kia Sorento commercial.

In 2002, the Wiseguys and their Mitsubishi Eclipse commercial. This one took some work. It was pre-YouTube and (of course) pre-Shazam. Had to scour a few message boards to find it and go to Tower hoping it had the CD. It did, and now so do I.

4. Which song’s opening lyric do you especially love?

I know I’ve said this in this space before, but the opening line of “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind may be my favorite opening line ever. “I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.” Holy freaking moly.

It may be a cliché of an answer, but we shouldn’t leave out Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind.” “How many roads must a man walk down?”

Oh, and what about “Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot? “I can see her lying back in her satin dress / In a room where you do what you don’t confess.” Wowowowowowowow.

5. With which five songs would you begin a weekend-themed playlist?

1. “Friday I’m in Love” by The Cure (1992)
2. “Groovin'” by the Young Rascals (1967)
3. “Lifetime Party” by Cecilio and Kapono (1974)
4. “Good Times Roll” by the Cars (1978)
5. “Take a Little Rhythm” by Ali Thomson (1980)

Wooo that’s an old man’s list!