Lockdown: The short, factual things

It’s the wee hours of Saturday morning as I type this about Thursday, and Thursday seems like forever ago. I just read what I wrote about Wednesday and that doesn’t even feel like this week to me. The inauguration was only the day before yesterday?

Wednesday night I got something like six hours of good sleep, wakened only once in the middle of the night and not for long.

Breakfast at my desk was leftover broccoli and Brussels sprouts soup with some freshly made hapa rice. Ah, rice. I missed you. The rice improved the soup, but not by much, and I regret to say I still have about half a serving of soup left. It was a little too much to throw out, somewhat to my chagrin.

Work was slow, again. Worked on copy edits for the employee handbook, then put together most of a short story on some dental outreach programs the school is doing, with help from a local dental insurance agency. Sometimes the short, factual things are more difficult to write.

We had our weekly department Zoom call, and right after it my one-on-one with my supervisor. Apparently one of the development officers made some good progress with a prospective donor, with the help of something I wrote a couple of months ago. It’s nice to hear.

My late lunch was more hapa rice with a couple of fried eggs and a can of Vienna sausage. I would have preferred some other unhealthy breakfast meat, of which I have plenty, but after this I only have one can left, except for the hurricane-slash-emergency case, which I’ll leave alone until next hurricane season. Anyway, it was a decent lunch.

If you don’t know what I did after work, you’re not paying attention. Pretty much went right to bed for a long, hard nap, then got up to make a pot of kimchi stew for dinner, except I’m out of kimchi, so it was (I guess) tofu stew. It was freaking delicious. Filling and flavorful, and the only unhealthy thing in it is a small portion of meat, and really not that much. They say a healthy serving of protein on your plate is about the size of your fist, and in these stews I use less protein than that. I’m going to try it with a small piece of fish one of these days. When I was at the supermarket Wednesday morning, there wasn’t anything decent-looking in the seafood case except a few ahi filets, but darn if I’m going to use a nice hunk of ahi for that.

Spent some time writing things in social media, then did a few chores and went to bed. And then I got right back up because dang it. I couldn’t sleep. I spent the next few hours reading a bunch of news things, listening to some new music, playing stupid games on my phone, and thinking about taking a summer course at a community college in something. I did a lot of window shopping on Amazon, but didn’t pull the trigger on anything except an ebook that was on sale.

I finally collapsed just before four in the morning. I know. It’s stupid. It’s bad habits creeping back into my life, but this time it was legitimate insomnia. I suppose the long nap is partly to blame, but this time it doesn’t seem like the primary culprit.

Katie Nolan interviewed Mina Kimes on her podcast Thursday, and they spent a lot of time on their respective problems with sleep, and darn if that didn’t cause me to think about my own insomnia, which I’m nearly certain is why I couldn’t sleep. Mina even said lately when she can’t sleep, what she’s thinking about is not being able to sleep.

Not much texting lately since my disagreement with Ali, but it’s okay. Sylvia texted to tell me she spotted an apartment available right across the street from the office. The price is kind of crazy for such a crappy neighborhood. Young Street, between Piikoi and Keeaumoku. Yeah. If you’re familiar with the area, you’re thinking that’s not a pleasant neighborhood at night. I said we should find two other people at work to split the rent, then use it as a crash pad and break room.

I need a reset. I’m going to use this weekend to get stuff done and try to reset my brain and my sleep pattern. Ha. Ha. That never goes well, but whatever. Now that I’m not doomscrolling as I have for the past four years, the demons in my brain are going to have to actually put in the work if they want to torment me, and I’m not just going to allow them their way.

If you’re not feeling tethered to someone who cares about you, leave a comment and I’ll send you some contact info. Don’t go through this madness alone.

Resolutions: next post!

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