Weeeeeeeelllllll it’s 6:33 Thursday morning and I just pulled an all-nighter. I’m only writing this now because of compulsion: I am pretty sure I won’t write it at all if I don’t do it now.
I just couldn’t get that proposal done during my workday. I tried. But it was a very warm afternoon. There was a lot of noise outside. I kept getting emails. I couldn’t focus.
Around 10:30 in the evening, I went for a walk. Got back around 1:30 and sloooooowly got going on the proposal, not really finding my groove until about 2:30. I emailed it to the development officer at 6:00. Then I emailed my supervisor to ask if I could punch in a few hours later than usual Thursday. I don’t think I really need those few hours of sleep, but I’ll take them if I can get them.
It was laborious, but I admit once I found my groove I kind of thrived on the challenge. Writing is so much like a puzzle sometimes; if you can see it this way, it almost becomes a game. Sure, it’s a game where you feel like you’re opening a vein just to advance your pieces, yet there are strategies and maneuvers, and trials and errors. And there’s an aesthetic aspect that really turns me on. It’s not enough to get to checkmate — you have to get there when the pieces are arranged prettily on the board.
Breakfast was overnight oats. Lunch was potatoes and kale. Still delicious the third day in a row. I was going to make pulled pork with Carolina-style barbecue sauce in the Instant Pot, but the pork needed to be defrosted. You’re not supposed to have to defrost stuff before throwing it the IP. Unless it doesn’t fit in the pot. I had to defrost it so I could separate it and get it in there.
So I saved it for after my walk. And had dinner midway: a double cheeseburger and a McChicken sandwich (plain) at the McD’s on Dillingham. They were both yummy, as was the large Diet Coke I washed them down with. I snacked a little on some Cheetos popcorn, but honestly not much. Cheetos flavor just doesn’t do it for me, and I don’t get too excited about packaged popcorn.
However, during a break in the proposal writing, I got all that pork in the IP, and 90 minutes later it was ready. So I had a small bowl of that just to see if it worked. It worked fine, ‘though I’ll wait until Thursday afternoon to finish the dish. I want to throw the second bag of kale in there and let it soak up all that pork yumminess. Kind of a deconstructed laulau with kale instead of luau.
I traded several emails with Ryan about this new project we’re working on together. It’s mostly him. Also to get him signed up on an alumni thing some coworkers asked me to get him onto. Jennifer and I traded a few texts related to the project with Ryan. San Diego AJ and I texted a little about what’s getting us through the stay-at-home. She’s gotten into jigsaw puzzles. Crush Girl texted me to say she’s almost done with a novel she’s working through, a novel I read two thirds of a couple of years ago and mean to finish soon. F5 girl and I traded IMs about Chicago hot dogs and the Jones Act. Sharon and I IMed each other on the work Skype about a former coworker who recently reached out to her — she’s working where Sharon used to work.
It was a day of interesting connections.
I did minimal work on the Monster. Will have to do a better job Thursday if my whole day hasn’t been ruined by this all-nighter.
I wish I could spend a little bit of alone time with Crush Girl. She’s easily the only person whose company I really miss in this lockdown. I miss spending time with my parents, but with them, it’s really about just the time spent in their company. I miss conversations with Crush Girl, and I miss learning more about her, something that’s harder to do via text messages.
I know her in one context. I’d like somehow to be more assertive about spending time with her in other contexts, although that could be tricky to execute. We went to a movie once; if we could kind of start there and see what else we like doing together, I think it would be good for me.
If you’re reading this and not connecting as much or as meaningfully as you’d like, I hope you’ll reach out. I’m convinced that a certain amount of some kind of interpersonal connection is necessary for getting through all this craziness. I’m here if you want me.