Lockdown: Object at rest

I don’t know if my problem is malaise or inertia. I guess it could be both.

At the end of my workday I had big plans for attacking the Monster, then going for a walk, then getting some writing done. What I mostly did was mope around. I’d lie down and plug my phone in to charge up, then struggle to get up, then get my shoes and socks ready, then lie back down. Then get up and do the dishes, then lie back down. It was ridiculous.

Because I really need to get a few things done Wednesday for work, I was going to write the whole evening off and turn in. Except I thought I’d kind of hate myself if I didn’t at least walk around the block or something. Just for the fresh air and circulation. So I invented an errand, to walk down to Long’s and get a few things I keep forgetting: hair ties, fluoride rinse, and replacement brushes for my electric toothbrush. I got out the door at ten past one.

Once I got going, though, of course it felt nice so I thought I’d just walk down to the 7-Eleven and have some ice cream or something, and then go to Long’s. On my way to the 7-Eleven, I just decided to walk what’s become my usual route. It mostly felt great. I listened to a short podcast and then listened to my Indigo Girls playlist (I thought their new album was out last Friday but I was early by a month) and then the new I Am Abomination album.

I hate myself.

Work was a slog. I have got to finish the revision on this proposal Wednesday or I’m going to hate myself even more, and everything and everyone around me.

Breakfast was a McD’s Big Mac combo, picked up in the drive-through and enjoyed at the laundry at like four in the morning. At least this time I just had the sandwich, fries, and drink. Lunch was a bowl of cereal. Dinner was the potatoes and kale. I’ve got one more serving of it for Wednesday. I snacked mid-afternoon on some tortilla chips and fresh salsa. Then during the walk I had an egg salad sandwich picked up from the convenience store.

Okay, connections. My writing partner and I traded a few quick texts about a quote I sent her. Crush Girl and I talked about face masks after I sent her a photo of my new Harry Potter mask, pictured yesterday on my sleep-deprived face. Sharon asked me for help asking someone for help, and of course I said I was happy to see what I could do. That was about it. I meant to ask JB how his kids are doing (three teens and a young adult) but didn’t get to it. Oh, and that San Diego friend (I need to come up with a fake name for her; her real name is unique and I’d rather not be too easily Googled) messaged me early to ask how I’m doing. I forgot to get back to her until very early this morning.

This week is really taking its sweet time. I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. It’s five in the morning Wednesday and I’m going to bed.

Connections can be rough. If you’re having difficulty in this department, reach out. I’m not great company lately but I’ll try!

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