Lockdown: Survivor’s guilt

Sunday was pretty much a work day. I didn’t plan to spend a whole day, but that’s sort of what happened. I got to sleep shortly before sunrise, then was awakened by the landlord doing stuff in the yard right outside my window, just an hour later. I usually sleep right through that.

It took about half an hour for him to get done, so I got up to use the bathroom and couldn’t get right back to sleep. Ugh. So I did the Sunday NYT crossword and fell back into bed. I had an alarm set to 12:10 but ignored it and didn’t get out of bed until past 2:00. I had planned to be in the office at 1:00 and spend just a couple of hours.

I did some daily chores and didn’t get to the office until 3:30, and I didn’t start working until 5:00. I was so hungry (I hadn’t had anything to eat yet) that I went through the BK drive-through on my way to the office, and I enjoyed it so much I took ninety minutes on it in the breakroom. Double Whopper, yessir. And rings. I almost never get a double but I needed to taste meat. So that was breakfast and lunch.

I did the proposal revision and emailed it out. Took about two and a half hours. Not bad. I thought it would be faster, but I had to remind myself how to do some things in InDesign. It’s been a long time since I was using it every day, and you forget how to do some things.

I got an email back, pretty quickly, telling me I’d left out the appendices. Ugh. Totally my bad. So I spent another couple of hours doing that, the bulk of it learning how to do what I was trying to do (import a table, and install Adobe fonts I didn’t have).

Then I updated the software on my work PC. I did a little bit of housekeeping while it did that, and when it was all over I was pulling out of the parking structure at about 11:30. An eight-hour day in the office. Not all of it working, sure, but dang it.

Came home pretty hungry but got distracted by my fifth or sixth viewing of Noelle, that Anna Kendrick Christmas movie they launched Disney+ with last fall. I must be vulnerable or something, because I got teary as heck. Actually cried near the end.

It was my first time in the office since Bloody Wednesday, and I spent a moment looking at a few of the empty desks. I’m feeling incredible survivor’s guilt now. And I’m pretty dang sad.

Finally got things moving near the end of Noelle. Had some Korean instant ramen with a small mountain of won bok and baby bok choi. I watched Rocket Science with Anna Kendrick right after. Not on purpose; it was the next movie on the jump drive I have stuck into my Blu-Ray player, and while I was cooking in the kitchen, the player just advanced to the next file. I ate dinner and watched that, and now I’m doing this. It’s almost four in the morning.

While in the office, I had a snack sized bag of sour cream and chive potato chips and a snack sized bag of cheddar bunnies.

I didn’t walk! I was going to leave the office at around 9:30 and do a quick 10,000 steps but then I had to do those appendices, so that took the rest of my evening.

I texted a few people Sunday. Sharon to talk about my survivor’s guilt. Penny to ask her to pass along a job lead I have, for one of the victims of Bloody Wednesday. Nobody who left sent the whole company contact info, and only one person sent an aloha email to everyone. I texted Crush Girl to ask a little about her weekend. Oh, I texted Ali, too, to talk about survivor’s guilt. She tried to counsel me out of it but I told her although I know all the stuff she said, you really can’t help feeling it. It may be a little while before I’m over it.

Monday’s going to be pretty busy, so I’m ending here in hopes of getting five good hours of sleep before I have to be at my desk.

Click that comment button if you’re looking for someone to connect with in these ridiculous lockdown days.

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