Lockdown: The sun comes up today

I slept a little better Thursday night heading into Friday morning, but still not enough. Argh.

I also didn’t work very productively, I’m sorry to say. Friday used to be my most productive day, when we were working in the office. I did pretty well with emails but the words just wouldn’t flow on these three student profiles I’m working on. I may have to give them a little bit of attention over the long weekend.

The impeachment proceedings were on again. Although the outcome was pretty much determined already, I think it was important for me to go through it and deal with it (I’m writing this just past midnight Saturday night) and then get over it. Now that it’s over, I’m hoping I may be able to sleep tonight underneath the satellite sky once again, perhaps for the first time in more than four years.

I’m taking deep breaths, trying to sit up straight in my uncomfortable dining room chair that’s become my work chair, listening to music with wide open ears undistracted by the news of the day. I think I’m going to add some conscious mediation to my routine, although I’m trying to figure out where I’d make the time. Going to take a look at some websites for some advice — it’s been a long time since I seriously thought about it ritually. I’ve already found myself centering on certain verses of scripture that have (mostly) helped, and I’ve done a version of it whenever I’ve been in the ocean since Lent in 2019.

One of the House impeachment managers quoted what’s been my verse these past four-plus years. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. I’ve tried, in the face of very unpeaceful times spurred by a very unpeaceful goverment leader, to bring small amounts of peace to others. I thought it might give me more peace too, but it’s mostly only made me angry, like helping that young Chinese woman find her dance classes in a rough part of Chinatown one night, or going way out of my way to help a drunk Micronesian man get his phone from the woman who found it, none of us having wheels and all of us riding buses.

Incidents like these should have soothed my soul, but they made me face the northeast and yell obscenities in the direction of the White House. I’m not speaking metaphorically.

I know there is peace to be had, and I know where it comes from. I just haven’t been able to connect with it much, except for those moments in meditation-like states in the Pacific Ocean. Maybe I can find it now.

After work, I did some quick chores and took a long, unsettled nap. It kind of helped, but not really.

I watched a documentary on DVD. I can’t write what it was, because it’s rather distasteful and I’d rather not cop to my interest. A legit documentary, though, produced by one of Hollywood’s esteemed producers (at least one Best Picture Oscar, with several nominations), about one of those topics you’d be embarrassed to explore. Heck, I live alone and no longer worry about judgment on such things (mostly), but I still peered through my blinds a few times to see if anyone were outside, seeing what I was watching.

Ha. I’m totally serious.

Anyway it was a good documentary, really well done. If you see me in person and want to know about it, I won’t hesitate to tell you. I just don’t want to put it up in a public space where it can be misunderstood out of context.

Two weekends ago, I spent $21 on an apple-caramel pie from Hawaiian Pie Company. My favorite of their offerings. Friday night, I still had eaten only one slice out of it. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but I guess I like a little bit of sugar in my day somewhere, most days. I think the clementines and dried apricots have taken care of me, though.

I cut a slice out Friday night for dessert, and it was gross. Kind of gummy and mealy. I don’t know if I imagined it or it really didn’t hold up well for two weeks in a cold fridge, but I tossed it. Need room in my refrigerator, and I didn’t want to eat the pie just to eat it.

It’s too bad, too, because I’ve finally earned enough frequent customer points to get a free pie. And now I don’t really want one.

Fridays, I like to get breakfast out. It’s not a conscious thing, or a habit or ritual. I just wake up Friday mornings and think how nice it would be to have breakfast out. I mean via takeout, although in regular times I feel the same way as I head to the office. When I was riding the bus to campus, I would get up early, stop Friday mornings somewhere along the way, and sit down to breakfast prepared by someone else, sometimes going out of my way to Waikiki (for example).

So for breakfast I drove to Rainbow’s and brought home a boneless chicken plate. Breakfast-slash-lunch. For dinner I made kimchi stew, rather a lot of it. Clementines and dried apricots for a snack.

It was the first day of the Lunar New Year, so of course there were a lot of happy new year messages. Among others, I heard from Jennifer and Maria. I texted Crush Girl to say happy new year.

I’m really getting into the new Transatlantic album. Might have to do a serious headphones-and-lyrics-sheet listen sometime this weekend, ‘though it’s a long album and I don’t know if I have the attention span. I was a little disappointed in Neal Morse’s last solo album — I just didn’t find it very memorable, which can happen with musicians a prolific as Morse. I wonder if it was because he hadn’t played with this specific group pf musicians in many years. Whatever it is, he and the other guys (Pete Trawavas! Mike Portnoy! Roine Stolt!) appear to have put together a winner here, and I really appreciate the variety of lead vocals i this band. Even Portnoy has lead vocals on one song. Nice.

The sun comes up today
Let the whole world fade away

There will absolutely be some beach time this weekend if it doesn’t rain much. And I’m itching to do some writing that’s been on my list for a while.

Leave a comment if you need someone to connect with. Don’t be disconnected. I know the temptation; believe me. The reason I recap my texts and phone calls every day is to monitor myself against my self-destructive tendencies. Namely, the tendency to withdraw into myself and my cave. It’s fine once in a while for a day or two, but pandemic days make it too easy to do it for too long. Don’t go there. Smash my comments and I’ll get to you.

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