chalkdust

I’m writing about Tuesday and it’s only 8:38 Thursday. I’m getting closer?

I think I only got two hours of sleep Monday night. I could have gotten another hour, but I forced myself up to get a PSL from Starbucks and a couple of breakfast sandwiches from McD’s before the conference began at six.

We had a couple of large-group sessions after the formal introductions and housekeeping. They were a lot like the sessions two years ago, but it was fine. Some of the same material, framed differently. One’s persuasive writing skills can always use a booster. The speaker in one session said his approach isn’t exactly to persuade someone to give; it’s to inspire someone to give.

Heck yeah I wrote that one down. It’s exactly the approach I take, and I’ve tried to muscle and finesse my influence on the writing I get to produce or edit. Sure, there are times and places for numbers and Things With All These Capitalized Words, but hit someone’s inspiration button and hit it meaningfully, and you can toss most of that in the slag heap. Make someone feel something.

There were three breakouts, for which we signed up weeks ago. I’m in the “major gifts” writing workshop. That’s a term in the business. The leader of the workshop is the same guy who did it two years ago, and I really respect him. It shouldn’t matter to me that he has two English degrees, but it does. It means he’s a development officer who understands writing from a writer’s perspective, not merely from a fundraiser’s perspective. Instant cred.

I’m socially awkward, so I always have difficulty fitting in at these things at first. It’s why I make a point of either asking a good question or offering a good answer sometime in the first session. I don’t need the others to take me seriously, but it helps me get the most out of the time we have; it makes me a lot more comfortable.

Being from Hawaii always helps. People want to talk to you if you’re from Hawaii, and I’m here for it.

They gave us a writing assignment that was going to take me some serious time. I didn’t even know for sure I had an active project to use for it, but when I looked at the material some development officers sent me for a group proposal, I knew I had something good to work on.

If I were at a real-world conference, of course I’d have the rest of the day to work on it and to do whatever. Probably get dinner with some of the other participants, which is what happened last time. We would have had an early-evening reception, which I would have attended with great anxiety.

But I’m in my usual spot at my usual desk this time, and because we’re on East Coast time, I’m actually done at noon. Which leaves plenty of the workday for work. Unfortunately.

I did it, too. After dashing to the pharmacy for a prescription refill, a spur-of-the-moment flu shot, and a takeout lunch nearby, I had a Zoom meeting, then a one-on-one with the boss, and I’ll spare readers the details, but I was utterly wiped. And still tried to do NaNoWriMo.

I only got 1124 words out of me before I had to run the white flag up the pole. And that was a struggle. I think the flu shot might have hit me hard, too, right into Wednesday.

I’ve often been accused of not knowing how to take a compliment, and I see why people say it. It took me until well into college to learn to say “thank you for the encouragement” when people say something nice about something I’ve done, just as it took me the same amount of time to learn to say “It’s nice to meet you” when I meet people. I told you: socially awkward.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate a compliment, and it’s not like it’s unpleasant to meet people. There’s just this part of my brain that takes these interactions literally. When someone compliments me on something, I’m thinking of all the things wrong about it. And when someone says “It’s nice to meet you,” all I can think is, “You have no idea if it’s nice to meet me.”

But these are not literal interactions. I know that now; I’ve known it since very late into college. I still have to coach myself ahead of time, though, to accept these things and to play my role.

I digress here because it doesn’t take long in these writers workshops for me to feel a quick shift. People recognize that I can write, even sometimes before seeing any of my writing. It’s one of the very, very few things I accept compliments on without forcing a thank-you. I know I can write.

And I have to say it feels really good to be complimented on my writing, because it’s one of the only things I want to be complimented on. My coworkers compliment me frequently, although less frequently than when I was new. They’re used to me now, which in some ways is even better.

But maaaaaaaan it feels good to be acknowledged for my ability to do something I really care about by people whom I’ve just met. It makes me feel for a short moment that all these crazy things in my brain and all these ridiculous things about my personality are okay. They might even contribute to my writing well. Even if they don’t, I feel myself carrying them a little more easily.

The foundation can’t afford to send me to this conference every year, and I’m only going this year because I didn’t have to fly to it — and the conference registration by itself is pretty dang pricey. But I may consider asking to go again in two years, and if they can’t pay for travel and lodging, I might offer to cover that part of it, just for the professional affirmation I get. It helps me sleep a lot more peacefully.

Breakfast was the McD’s stuff with a lovely, lovely pumpkin spice latte. For lunch I went to the 99 Ranch market, which is just called Moanalua 99 or something these days. Enormous food court where there used to be an enormous Asian grocery. There’s a local plate lunch place there that’s just okay, but it has one dish you don’t see anywhere else: Jamaican chicken. I don’t know how Jamaican it is or why it’s called Jamaican, but it’s freaking good. I haven’t had it in years, so when I was in Mapunapuna to get my scrips refilled, I picked some up and brought it home.

That was lunch and dinner, and part of breakfast the next day. I think I’m going to do something similar next Tuesday: not worry about food at all but get decent takeout. I should submit a per diem request since I’m at a conference. I shouldn’t be expected to pay for my own food!

I got the rare text from Susannah. She sent me some encouraging words about NaNoWriMo, which she’s participated in and won. Also from my friend Melody who is having Twitter problems. Someone took over her account, and she’s had it since a few days before me in 2006. Crush Girl and I traded a few texts to talk about our Wednesday holiday. She had a few fun things lined up, but I knew I’d pretty much be working all day.

Tuesday was in turns rough and terrific. I guess I’ll take it?

Leave a comment if you’re not getting enough connectivity these days. I’ll do my best. We can text or DM or whatever, if I don’t forget!

I’m writing about Monday on Thursday night at 10:55. Silly.

I had all kinds of trouble falling asleep Sunday night. I don’t really want to get into it, but it’s like turning off the part of my brain that was stressed about the election turned on the part of my brain that replays all the stupid things I’ve ever said and done. It was miserable.

The work day was difficult and kind of a blur. I know I didn’t produce any drafts. I did respond to emails. Spent a little time editing web content.

I spent a good chunk of my work day getting ready for the writer’s conference I’m attending over the next two weeks. It’s the conference I went to in Boston two Novembers ago. Although I didn’t travel this time, I did spend some time clearing some mental space. To see things with novice eyes, as a wise Japanese chef in Seattle once advised Reid.

I also spent time setting up my green screen for the Zoom meetings. That took much longer than it should have.

Breakfast was a couple of hot dogs with sauerkraut, ketchup, and mustard. Bad but good. Lunch was corned beef hash with hapa rice and a couple of eggs. Bad but bad. I regretted it so much I skipped dinner, opting instead for a couple of clementines.

Crush Girl texted me to ask for some help with a letter she was writing. One of my favorite kinds of messages. I love helping people with writing. Jennifer sent me a link about Powell’s (the Portland bookstore) but I haven’t read it yet.

That was it. This might seem short because I’m writing about it two days later, but Monday really wasn’t very outstanding in any way. And I was freaking tired from the stupid voices in my head Sunday night.

I’m a little bit of a mess. I was Monday and I am Wednesday night. More about that when I get around to writing about Tuesday.

Don’t forget to leave a comment if you need someone to connect with. I’m probably not much use to you this week but I’ll get it together!

I’m writing about Sunday at 3:57 Wednesday morning. This is bad.

I got up really early Sunday. Now that most of the Continental U.S. has fallen back, the early Sunday football games kick off at 8:00 rather than 7:00, so I’m supposed to get an extra hour of sleep Sundays.

I guess my poor, tortured soul isn’t quite finished being poor or tortured. I slept pretty well but just not very long. I had considered getting up early anyway, to hit the supermarket and get my in-office work out of the way so I could come home and either sleep or catch a late-morning football game.

I got to the Piikoi Safeway at about six, or maybe a little later. It opens at five. I kinda wanted to get there at five to avoid as many people as I could, but ah well.

Didn’t pick up that much. I was shopping from an abbreviated list because of fridge space plus no planning for meals.

Grabbed breakfast at Zippy’s. A Surf Pac Deluxe. Yeah, it’s far too much food but I wanted mix of flavors and I figured it would definitely be enough for two meals. Which it was.

Man, I spent far more time in the office than I thought I had in me this weekend. Got there around seven and didn’t get out until after two. I had set a loose goal of exiting at noon. What a bozo. But I was doing actual work, mostly,

This means I got home in time for the ends of football games. I can’t remember which ones. Steelers and someone. And Cowboys and someone, I think. They both went to the wire and were fun to watch. Then I took a long nap and missed most of the late game, which is now really late. There’s a big difference between the last football game’s ending at 5:30 and its ending at 6:30.

It’s okay. I wasn’t really in the mood for football anyway. Plus, I think only one of my fantasy teams won this week.

I only managed 791 words on my novel and I can’t remember why. I did meet with the Skype group and I know we wrote. Was I working on something else? This is why I hate being so far behind on this journaling.

I’m pretty sure if I just open the file I’ll remember what happened. This year, I’m doing everything in Google Docs, with each day’s writing a separate document. It makes it easier to stick to my (loose) rule of only reading the work from the day before, plus it gives each day’s work its own character. I mean character as in quality, not character as in person in a story.

For dinner Sunday I had the rest of my leftover Korean veggies on hapa rice. Bean sprouts, kim chi, and cucumbers. Delicious.

Sunday I texted Crush Girl, Ali, and a couple of other people to see if their phones could display the new boba emoji. Of the small number of people I asked, none had updated thir iOS to 14.2. Too bad. I would have sent boba to everyone.

Sylvia texted me a photo of her latest gourmet popcorn purchase. I can’t get into popcorn like that for some reason. It doesn’t taste right to me if hasn’t just been popped. Although I guess I have SmartFood popcorn once in a while, so maybe I should give it a chance. The flavors Sylvia gets do look interesting.

Penny texted me to ask for computer advice. She finally ordered one. At age [redacted], she’s about to own her very first computer. I’m kind of excited for her, and she’s getting a good machine. Essentially the same machine I have but with half the storage. I’m glad also because for her birthday this year, I got her a four-port USB hub and a wireless mouse. The gift makes more sense now.

Computers don’t come with an adequate number of USB ports anymore. Remember when the fruit-flavored iMacs had two ports in the side and two ports on the front? My work laptop only has one port, and my personal laptop has two, and they’re too close together so if you’re using a bulky jump drive you can’t plus anything else in.

That was Sunday. I’m going to have to do two entries a day until I’m caught up, so Monday will be sometime later today, although where I’m going to find time is a mystery yet to be solved. Maybe the heroine in my NaNo project will take it on.

Reach out if you’re looking for some connectivity in these depressing days of pandemic. Just leave a comment and you too could receive emojis your phone won’t display.

I was awake and asleep a couple of hours at a time all night. Of course I checked Twitter each time I was up, as I have for the past four years to see if you-know-who had blown up the planet.

I was asleep when election news exploded, thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted to check and double-check my sources in real time. So when I really got up some time after 9:45, it was pretty much done. Still took me some time, scanning my phone while still on my back in bed, to make sure I was reading correctly, but apparently I was.

All I could do was sigh. Breathe deeply. Feel tension flee my shoulders and neck. Inhale deeply the smell of my bed linens and pillow. They smelled fresher. Welcoming, even.

I took half an hour or so to read the news on my laptop before deciding on a celebratory breakfast from the Taco Bell drive-through. It’s what I most wanted. If someone had offered me steak and eggs, I still would have opted for Taco Bell. Don’t know why.

It went well with the sparkling wine Penny gave me for my birthday. I got drunk. It’s only the second time I can think of that I’ve been drunk. It didn’t feel as morose as I expected it. It felt like convalescing. Like recovery. Like healing.

Went back to bed for a good, long nap. Did the infinite scroll of Twitter and IG. Kinda stayed off FB, where the level of discourse tends to be not quite as thoughtful as I wanted.

I actually watched the last part of the football game between Notre Dame and Clemson. It was a rather thrilling game, even though I don’t care for college football. Notre Dame students stormed the field when it was over. It was ridiculous. Thousands of them dancing and hugging and screaming on the field. Idiots, all of them.

For dinner I had leftover Korean veggies with some hapa rice. Daikon, broccoli, and seaweed. It was good.

More good energy and interaction in the NaNo Skype. I banged out 2075 words.

The Suzanne-Julie-Cindy group text was pretty happy. I stayed out of it. Strangely, there was a little Grace-Penny-Reid group text. Reid doesn’t text much, and Grace has been a recluse all year, returning neither texts or emails. Cautious optimism. I stayed out of that too.

I’m pleased, but I’m still not at ease. It could be a very strange several weeks before January 20.

Lockdown continues. Life doesn’t suck, but the year’s been rough. If you need someone to text you through it, leave me a comment.

(everybody sing along)

I slept terribly Thursday night and was stupidly tired. Getting to my desk Friday was a bit of a struggle, and I didn’t get rolling until a quarter to ten. Which is okay for Friday, because I don’t mind working late to end the week.

The big thing I did was that big-ask project. Moved the houses around, messed around with the furniture just a little, enough to cut the length down to nearly the target length. That took a few focused hours but I stuck with it and emailed it out fifteen minutes before two. My personal goal had been two. It’s nice when it works out like that. Mean’s I’m not hopeless.

I had to do a few more edits for the cancer center article. The development officer wanted the longer version, if it could fit, but part of the longer version wasn’t as graceful as in the shorter, so I fixed that section and sent it off. The rest of my day was editing little things here and there. I didn’t finish one thing that was due Friday so I’ll be doing some work Sunday. I might have anyway.

I was bleary-eyed tired that I knew I couldn’t mess around for NaNo work. Got on the group Skype, and you could tell everyone else was tired. The others weren’t quite as motivated as I was, so I did the first couple of word sprints myself, and I got my first thousand words in half an hour. I hit the daily 1667 word goal some time after but made myself keep going. So far this month, each day’s word count has been a little higher than the previous day’s, so I kinda wanted to keep that going if I could. It’s obviously unsustainable through the month.

So I guess around 11:00 or so I finally stopped at 2712 words. I have a culprit now, and maaaaybe something of a motive. I’ve already resigned myself to the unavoidable reality that the plot is going to contradict itself multiple times, but there’s no erasing in NaNoWriMo, so I’ll worry about putting the beginning, middle, and end together, then take care of inconsistencies.

Whatever, though. It’s messy while not feeling like just goofing off. Feels like a novel in progress, and my brain is happy to be hammering it together.

Tumbled into bed around midnight without Darth Vader.

I had a huge breakfast, so I skipped lunch. Eggs with corned beef hash and hapa rice. It was pretty dang yummy. For dinner I went to Sam’s in Nuuanu for Korean food. I’ve tried to stick to Kalihi for takeout during this lockdown, and I feel bad that I haven’t really explored as much — this is the perfect time for it. I couldn’t decide what I wanted, though, and time was running out. I usually get Korean food when I can’t decide, so yeah. I picked a Korean place I don’t go to very much but really like. I think it’s been at least five years since I’ve been to Sam’s. Maybe longer.

I snacked on a lot of potato chips. A lot of them.

There’s some new music this weekend I’m pretty interested in, but thing I’ve had my eyes on for a few months is the new album by Fates Warning, Long Day Good Night. Gave it a few inattentive spins today. It’s very pleasing to my ears. So far nothing especially memorable. Gonna have to give it some better listens this weekend. The CD is on its way to my mailbox (I preordered it), so it may be better to wait until I have the lyrics and liner notes.

Crush Girl texted me to talk a litlte bit abut TV and exercise. Ali and I texted a bunch about a character in my novel based on someone we know. There was a bit of election talk in the Suzanne-Julie-Cindy group text but I stayed out of it. Sylvia and I texted a little about peripherals for her Microsoft tablet, then about options for restaurant-prepared Thanksgiving turkey.

I need some recovery time this weekend. Coincidentally, the main character in my novel needs a recharging weekend as well. It might be fun to write about it.

Stress, tension, anxiety, restlessness. Pandemic feelings. Don’t deal with them alone if you need someone to connect with. Leave a comment and I’ll send you contact info.

Laundry Thursday morning was uneventful. I had twice as much as usual, thanks to my new black tees, but twice as much as not very much is still not very much.

I spent some of the laundry time thinking about groceries. There’s a Safeway in the same strip mall as the laundry, openint at five in the morning and the couple of times I’ve stopped there to pick something up, it was basically me and the stock people. That’s what I want, minus the stock people, who tend to block exactly the spot I want to get at, and take forever to make room for me.

But by the time I was ready to roll, I really had to get to a bathroom. I should have stopped at the office, then the Safeway two blocks from the office. Instead I trucked it for home.

So now it’s been two weeks plus three days since my last visit to the grocery store. I’m thinking about stretching it out to Monday night. I’ll have to grab some Diet Pepsi somewhere, probably Long’s again in the wee hours.

I got a couple more hours of sleep before reporting for work.

Work was busy. Had a couple of Zoom meetings, started a new project (for a huge ask), and was told I’ll be working directly with the CEO on this one. It’s fine. The project looks straightforward enough with no landmines I can think of.

I worked on edits for that cancer center story. Other stuff I can’t remember now.

I guess the Big Mac combo was my breakfast. I finished off the Portuguese bean soup for lunch and dinner. Kind of scarfed a bunch of chips while working on NaNo, so maybe that was dinner.

The NaNoWriMo group Skype was well attended, chatty, and fairly productive. I didn’t work efficiently, and stayed with it until nearly one in the morning, finally packing it in at 2647 words, or 11,077 cumulative words. That’s nearly 3000 words ahead of the pace, so I’m feeling good. I could slack for two days and only be a couple of words behind.

In NaNoWriMo lingo, there are outliners and pantsers. Outliners plan what they’re going to write, sometimes for a whole year in advance of November. Panters fly by the seats of their pants as they write their novels. You can probably guess which one I am.

I’m writing a cozy mystery set in a high school. I don’t think you’re supposed to pants a mystery novel, but I’m trying. Thursday night I was seven chapters in and still hadn’t decided who killed the custodian or why, so I had my main character play a little game where she would just name people she worked with, then make up a crazy reason each person would murder the custodian. She turned into a little song, each coworker a new lyric.

It was fun, and it led me to figuring out who the killer is. I’m still tossing a coin on the motive, but I think something I wrote a couple of days ago is an accidentally well-placed clue. So my motive may have already written itself.

I have to say some of the funnest bits of writing are explaining teacher culture to people who might not be familiar. I’ve got a lot of that to mine over the next three weeks. I’ll enjoy it if nobody else does. If you’ve never snuck out of an assembly, asking the teacher whose homeroom sits in front of yours to keep an eye on your students, you’ve certainly thought about it. Hey, dental appointments are difficult to grab sometimes, or someone was making 10,000 photocopies before school and you’re giving a test tomorrow.

Yes, of course I’ve done it. But my students didn’t need my supervision — they were always super well-behaved.

Crush Girl and I texted about some shows she’s been watching. I made a few recommendation because of course whatever anyone else is watching is not as good as what I’m watching. I need to get over this need to tell people what’s good. Jenny texted me to get some help editing something related to her work. I’m always down for that, especially for Jenny.

One of my friends has been in self-isolation because she was feeling suddenly terrible and had herself tested. She messaged me to say she tested negative, like six days after her test. What a ridiculous turnaround. But I’m glad she’s feeling better and doesn’t have it.

It’s been a crazy November so far and it’s going to get crazier. Especially if you’re doing NaNoWriMo. But even if you’re not and would like someone to connect with in the craziness, leave a comment and I’ll send you some contact info. Don’t self-isolate needlessly.

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrr. I’m writing about Wednesday at 1:02 a.m. Friday. With very bleary eyes.

Very late Tuesday night is my usual laundry time, but because of NaNoWriMo and election stress, I did decide to push it off to Wednesday night. So after not nearly enough sleep (but more than I would have gotten) I got to my desk Wednesday morning and wrote a story for the cancer center’s annual report. It wasn’t especially difficult but it took time. Most of my day, in fact.

I’m fairly pleased with how it came out. It took some amount of finesse I think most readers won’t recognize, but I know what I had to do and I admit I’m kind of impressed with myself. And I’m difficult to impress.

I also proofed a thing we’re printing in a local publication.

I didn’t waste any time when I was done with work. Did some chores, brushed my teeth, packed up the laundry, and loaded the car with my empty water jugs. The nightly NaNo Skype session began at 9:00, but I started writing at about 8:00. By the time we got rolling, I was more than halfway to my daily goal.

It was a nice time, hanging with other NaNoers. The energy was really, really positive. I got a few hundred words past the daily 1,667 goal and called it a night. I was in bed by 10:00, but didn’t get to sleep until about 10:30.

Woke up in the middle of the night, just past 12:00, and ugh. Took a while to get back to sleep. At 2:30 I got up and headed for the supermarket to get drinking water. Then the McD’s drive-through for a Big Mac Combo and then to the laundry.

I’m speeding through this because I’m ridiculously tired.

I got a text from Sharon asking for some help with wording on an announcement. That’s my job. Crush Girl texted to talk a little about her job. My friend Wendy in Manila asked me on FB messenger how the election was going and I told her I can’t talk about it until it’s over.

Breakfast was leftover Portuguese bean soup. So was lunch. I kind of skipped dinner so I could get to bed early.

That’s it. Speed version of my lockdown journal. Leave a comment if you want someone to connect with. Pandemic isolation sucks, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Zip. Zap. Zoom.

David Letterman took some time off from The Late Show in March 2003. I was nearing completion of my first year teaching at Assets, still young enough to stay up for Letterman and be among the first teachers on campus early the next morning.

Letterman had a stye or a cyst or one of those eye ailments I only know the names of from doing crossword puzzles. While he was out, he had different fill-in hosts each night, something he did a few times. I thought it was best when Paul Shaffer was the host, and Bruce Willis did a great job on almost no notice the night Letterman’s son was born.

Second best fill-in (sorry Bruce) was Elvis Costello. He was the host and the musical guest on March 11.

We were in the run-up to the Iraq invasion, a military action I was opposed to from the beginning. I swear I took this position long before Farenheit 9/11. I could sense it on September 12, actually, that America was gunning for a war when I was still teaching at HBA, and changed my voicemail greeting at work to “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.”

We talked about the impending invasion of Iraq in my tenth-grade homeroom. There were a few pro-invasion students, a few anti-invasion students, and a few who didn’t care much. They were high-schoolers. I tried to allow as much free exchange as possible. I made my position clear, as did my MIT-grad homeroom co-teacher, but we let students have most of the conversation.

The United States invaded Iraq on March 20.

On March 11, Elvis Costello introduced himself as the musical guest on Letterman. I thought it was pretty cute, the intro. Look at the first minute or so of the video.

“Please play ‘What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love and Understanding,'” I said aloud to my television.

And he played it.

He was at a different place in March 2003. That month, he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and in May, he would announce his engagement to Diana Krall (tangent: nicely done, Elvis). He was no longer the young, skinny, irony-spitting, racist punk he was in the 70s. He released his cover of “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding” in 1978 (a B-side, believe it or not), half his life before.

I needed Elvis to bring it back. I wanted to be assured that under the years of success and the nice suit and straight teeth was still the punk. Not the racist; thank God he grew out of that.

And he did, and while the performance is not as ironic as Elvis’s original recording, something took irony’s place: desperation. Listen to him sing it here. The punk is still there, screaming to get out, right around the 3:06 mark. I sang it with him, with as much desperation as Elvis seemed to communicate.

Elvis performed with the Honolulu Symphony Orchestra on March 31 and April 1, 2005. I bought two tickets to each show. It was a pops concert, and Elvis alone was singing with the orchestra, not playing his guitar, and not accompanied by his band. He was in kind of a jazzy standards period.

I tried to convince R to go with me. I think she was offended. She was dating that guy, or possibly engaged already; I can’t remember which. I was stupid enough to think we could still do things as friends, and I knew she’d love an Elvis concert.

I was working on my master’s then, and I took a woman from my cohort, Willow, to the first show. Then Penny, my reliable concert buddy, to the second.

The shows were great. Nearly identical sets. He didn’t do his rockers, explaining he was “in a different place,” as if I didn’t already know. He did sing “Alison” and “Watching the Detectives,” which fit perfectly into the format.

But I could see it, because of his Letterman performance. The punk. It was still in there. And he was ready to unleash it if he needed it.

I write all this to say that “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding” is bringing me some amount of peace on this Wednesday morning as I write about my Tuesday. I encourage you to hit PLAY on the video if you could use a little bit of comfort.

---

As I walk through this wicked world
Searching for light in the darkness of insanity
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred
And misery?
And each time I feel like this inside
There’s one thing I wanna know
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love, and understanding?
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love, and understanding?

I woke up after just a couple of hours of sleep and took advantage of the hour to make a run to Long’s. I would have hit the supermarket but the first two hours after opening at five are for seniors and other people needing time and space. Grabbed enough Diet Pepsi to tide me over and picked up a few other supplies. Strangely, I bought some cookware. From the drugstore. It was there. A small non-stick frypan, an 8×8 Pyrex baking pan, and an 8-inch Pyrex pie pan. Not for pie. For eating. I love the rimmed edge for regular dining. I have another such pan somewhere else but I can’t find it.

I struggled to get up for work Tuesday morning, but I got rolling as soon as I got to my desk. Returned emails. Took notes. Set myself up to write one of my stories, based on the emails I received overnight. Posted a story on the website. The web posting is going much more quickly now, and I’m sticking to a certain standard I’ve set for myself. The social media stuff takes as long as it always has.

Then I asked for the second half of the day off. I was more sleep-deprived than I could handle. And stressed. So I took a nap, left the TV off, stayed off social media (mostly), and did a few chores. Met with the NaNo Skype group and banged out 2100+ words. I decided sometime in the evening to take advantage of one of my built-in laundry cushions, pushing the chore off until Wednesday night.

This let me take care of some stuff without rushing to bed, including making some kind of abbreviated grocery list. Which I’ve yet to do as I type this.

And as I walk on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted
Sometimes
So where are the strong?
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony,
Sweet harmony?
‘Cause each time I feel it slippin’ away
It just makes me wanna cry
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love, and understanding?
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love, and understanding?

In addition to the Skype time with fello NaNoers, I texted with Sylvia about her old position no longer being listed on our website. Too late to turn back now! I sorta taunted. There was brief election talk in the Suzanne-Cindy-Julie group text. Melody texted for the first time in years to ask if I knew who won the mayoral race. It was only 8:30, and although I had only peeked in on social media, I knew that people were still in line to vote, so the printout would be delayed. Jennifer sent me a link to an article about the Oxford comma. I’ve seen most of them but I hadn’t seen this one. I only skimmed it because I was still working on my NaNo goal.

Oh yeah. Breakfast was McD’s. On my way home from Long’s (and just before a short return to bed) I had a Local Deluxe platter AND an Egg McMuffin AND a hash browns. Eating my feelings again.

Lunch was leftover Portuguese bean soup. I skipped dinner but I did have a slice of apple pie and more than a generous helping of Lay’s kettle-cooked jalapeno chips while I wrote. Writing is so fattening.

I seldom drink alcohol when I’m doing creative writing. The depressive effect on my already morose personality doesn’t lend itself well to the energy required for putting sentences together quickly. So far in these first three days of NaNoWriMo, however, I’ve been stirring little mixed cocktails between bursts of writing, and they’ve actually done the job. I have too many nearly-finished bottles of spirits in my cabinet and I need to make room, so I’m trying to retire these soldiers and lay them to rest.

The first night I had some Suntory Toki, which I’ve written about. The second night it was Monkey Shoulder, a Scotch whisky I really don’t care for on its own and am not too impressed with as a mixer. It was decent, though, for writing. I added bitters, simple syrup, and lots of ice. Last night I finished off a rather old bottle of Jonny Walker Black, with ginger beer, bitters, and lots of ice. It was sort of a horsefeathers cocktail without the citrus. I had a lemon in the fridge. Wish I’d thought of it. It was nice to toss the bottle!

If mitigation anxiety or election anxiety have you feeling a bit disconnected, I’m here for it. Leave a comment and I’ll send you my info. I don’t know if I can text you down off the ledge, but I’ll keep you company up there.

I’m writing about Monday at 11:26 in the evening Tuesday, so the details may be fuzzy. My vision certainly is, as I type through bleary eyes.

I didn’t get to work until about 9:45, tired as heck. This is going to be a long NaNoWriMo.

I was pretty productive, though, emailing several people to set up interviews or to actually send interview questions. I multitasked the heck out of my day. I had a phone call with my supervisor to talk about one of the donors I was interviewing. At 3:30 I put the football game on the radio, and it was good accompaniment as I went through my tasks.

I spent the time between work and NaNoing doing a little bit of reading, then catching up on the conversations at the NaNo website. I set up the group Skype session after a public announcement on the site, and was joined at 9:00 by Jen, Mary, and Darrée, three long-time NaNo friends from NaNos past, and Rachel, a newcomer. We had some good conversation and some productive word wars.

I hit 2088 words for the day, slightly ahead of the 1667 needed daily to hit 50K by the end of the month. I’m enjoying the writing, mostly, and think the characters are developing nicely, but I haven’t decided yet who the murderer is, and I need to decide on a character flaw for my narrator very, very soon.

It’s a cozy mystery set on a public school campus in Honolulu. Kind of fun to write. I had a little whisky cocktail, a kind of impromptu old-fashioned, with Suntory Toki, bitters, simple syrup, and ice. It was pretty yummy. The Toki is a thin, insipid whisky that drinks really easily, so it mixes well. I played my six-song Pearl Jam playlist on repeat for my soundtrack.

Then I did a stupid thing and stayed up kind of late reading. I think I was trying to put off going to bed, where I knew I wasn’t going to sleep well. I think I got to bed at 2:30 or so.

I had leftover Portuguese bean soup for breakfast and lunch. A slice of apple pie for a snack. A couple of hot dogs and the last of my manapuas for dinner.

There was very little texting Monday, and I barely noticed it. Sylvia asked if I have any advice for brown gravy and I told her I’m terrible at gravy, so my advice was to purchase some gravy mix. I sent Crush Girl a text to see how her weekend was, and got a short reply. And that was it!

It was fine. I was a bit absorbed in work and my NaNo activities. The Skype session probably helped a lot, too. Very good connection there with people I like a great deal.

I didn’t do any serious decluttering this week, a huge disappointment. It would have taken more planning ahead, with all the NaNo stuff I’ve added to my day, and I didn’t have it in me. I did throw a few things into the trash before I wheeled the bin to the curb, some things I knew I was going to get rid of and were just taking up space in my kitchen, so I felt good about that, but it was a token effort. I didn’t put a dent in the stuff I really want to get through, and this is not good.

I don’t have time to write a novel, as you can plainly see. This is the whole reason NaNoWriMo exists, and it’s why I’m here for it. Nobody has time to write a novel. So we may as well write one in November.

Hang in there, wherever and whoever you are. Things don’t seem to be getting better, but as long as you’re not contributing to their getting worse, you should feel okay. And if you need some connection, leave a comment. I have bandwidth. Let’s connect.

I slept a little better than usual Saturday night but it still wasn’t very good. I set my alarm early, not to hit the beach this time (I think I’m just going to avoid weekends there altogether) but to hit the swap meet.

It’s probably the most juvenile thing I do, but I realized some years ago that I like wearing black t-shirts, so much that when I’m not wearing a black t-shirt, I wish I were. I feel weird not wearing black. So I have some nicer black t-shirts I save for certain occasions (most of my concert tees are black, so of course I wear them to concerts) and some cheapo — but not necessarily unattractive — black tees I wear every day. The everyday shirts I get at the swap meet.

There are a whole bunch of shirt vendors at the swap meet, spread around the permiter of the stadium, who mostly carry the same stuff at the same prices. A certain higher-quality shirt brand lately goes for $5 a shirt, or five shirts at $20. They feature Hawaii-themed, multicolor designs on the back, with a smaller identical image on the front left, where a breast pocket might go.

When you wear the same ten shirts every day, they don’t last very long. Most of them hold up well structurally, but they fade, get a little thin, and sometimes stretch. Still wearable, but slovenly-looking after six to eight months.

Since nobody sees me these days, I’ve been wearing the most recent shirts for quite a bit longer, and it looks pretty terrible. When I drove to my parents’ house Saturday, a sign in front of the stadium announced modified hours for the swap meet: open at 6:30 on Sundays.

I figured it would be pretty easy to dash in, grab ten shirts, and dash out without encountering too many people at 6:30. So I did, and I did, and I did. Ten new black tees are in my car now waiting for a first launder, and I’m quite pleased.

Then I ran a couple of errands related to paying my rent, and dropped off Penny’s birthday gift. Then went to the office for my weekly in-office work.

It all went swimmingly. Got home at about 2:00 to catch the ends of the Seahawks-Niners and Bears-Saints games, then put on the Cowboys-Eagles game, took a nap, did some chores, and thought about NaNoWriMo.

Around 9:45 I got started on the novel, a cozy mystery set in a Hawaii public high school. The working title is Finals Resting Place. I was joined on Skype by my longtime NaNo friend Jen, and we did a couple of ten-minute word sprints, both of which she beat me in. But by 11:45 I had 2023 words, a few hundred more than the 1,667 words per day one must write to meet the goal by November 30. A nice start.

I texted a bunch of people Sunday to ask if they were familar with the term “dead week,” and only Suzanne had heard of it. At HBA when I was a student, we called the week before finals week Dead Week. It was the week when no field trips or other extracurricular activities were allowed, so we could all focus on reviewing for exams. When I was a teacher at HBA, we no longer called it Dead Week.

But I Googled it, and I know it’s not specific to HBA in the 80s. It’s a thing. Just not a thing any of my friends have heard of.

I wanted to go with Dead Week for my working title, darn it. A little bit of brainstorming with Ali led me to Finals Resting Place and I think it’ll do for now.

The writing partner and I texted a little about our projects. She’s not doing NaNo, but was interested in what I’m working on. Sharon asked me for some advice on what to buy for Japanese curry. I actually had an educated answer about the cut of meat she was looking for.

Breakfast, eaten at my desk in the office, was from the Taco Bell drive-through. It was great. Lunch when I got home was a manapua left over from Saturday. For dinner I tried to eat leftover Korean veggies from last Sunday but they tasted a little strange to me so I ate several bites and threw them out. Took me that long to decide I just didnt’ know what I was eating. Sometimes with certain sour foods you can’t tell if the sourness is normal or spoilage. It’s too bad because I could have used some veggies.

So I just had another leftover manapua and a couple of hot dogs with sauerkraut, ketchup, and mustard.

I’m due for a trip to the grocery store Monday night, but if I don’t make decent progress on leftovers, I may have to just go in for a week’s worth of stuff. Fridge is getting a little cramped but I’m down to my last two Diet Pepsis.

One problem with trying to make new dishes is you end up with opened, unfinished bottles of oyster sauce and mirin which are too useful to throw out but which you never used much before you made the one dish. I may give myself two weeks off from new dishes and just work my way through some of these half-consumed ingredients in some way.

NaNo’s going to be a challenge this year, but I’m interested in seeing if I can put something decent together with stuff I learned from previous attempts at cozy mysteries.

It’s freaking November. This is insanity. Madness. I can’t believe it.

If you need someone to connect with, leave a comment and I’ll send you my contact info. Don’t go into this month of crazy alone, because you don’t have to.