Fairly productive Tuesday. Got up early after three hours of sleep for no good reason and was at my desk nearly an hour earlier than usual. Hit the emails, worked on my cool scholarship story. Had a Zoom meeting with the department during which I confessed I’ve been trying to solve too many problems on my own, of the sort that others in my department could easily take care of in minutes, stuff that I’ve wasted days on.
My department includes a video guy, a photographer, a graphic designer, a web designer, and a communications specialist, and we can all sorta do each other’s jobs, just not as well as the person whose main job is to do each. It’s a group of creative people with really high, exacting standards, and we’re almost always busy working on our projects.
So I’m not hopelessly incompetent when it comes to finding, say, a photograph for the cover of a proposal with two million dollars on the line. But if I don’t find what I’m looking for in a reasonable amount of time, I can ask a few people for help, and they can take care of me really, really quickly. Only I don’t like asking for help, and I like solving my own problems.
It’s pride, is what it is. I know that if any of them asks me to write some copy, I can dash something off in fifteen minutes that would take them an hour, and I’ll be happy to do it. I mean happy. It’s what I’m here for, and I love being helpful.
So my reluctance to ask any of them for help, my hesitance about inconvenienceing them? It’s pride. It’s my saying I don’t count on them to be as eager to help or as giving of their time as I would be if the roles were reversed exactly the same way. It comes down to my not thinking as highly of them as of myself, and I have to get over it. I have to trust my coworkers as much as they trust me.
Kind of a major deal, and I weaken the team by not relying on it. Yeah, I suck.
After work I crashed for like four hours, unintentionally. So I did it without Darth Vader stuck to my face, but it was still pretty restful. I was nearly comatose.
I got up and actually took a short walk. Down to the bus stop near DeSa Field to leave two bags of cans and bottles, then resisting the temptation to go further, as I did last time. I walked back to the strip mall and picked up a few things. It was stressful. The cashier didn’t have her mask over her nose. The customer ahead of me in line didn’t have her mask over her nose. The security guard standing a few feet away didn’t have his mask over his nose. The customer behind me in line didn’t have her mask over her nose. What the heck?
Anyway it was about 8,000 steps in all, not ideal but better than nothing, and my knee feels okay, so maybe I can just do that every night for a while and see how it goes.
Jennifer sent me a text about extending canned chili which led to a brief exchange about Jollibee spaghetti. I think it’s okay, but the noodles themselves are too sweet.
Sylvia sent me a text about some coworkers showing up in her FB recommended friends. We talked a little about that — I’ve invited all ten victims of Bloody Wednesday to connect there and on LinkedIn, with not a very good acceptance rate, but it’s cool.
Crush Girl and I texted pretty much all day. It was great — kinda got me through the day, which would have been a struggle otherwise, on so little sleep.
For breakfast I had raisin bran with macadamia milk. It was not good. I got kind of used to it mid-bowl, but I never really enjoyed it. A shame. Lunch was a a few lazy burritos (I’ll explain tomorrow). Dinner, which I just finished, was Korean instant ramen with a huge pile of won bok and watercress. I had a little snack of tortilla chips with fresh salsa, sometime before lunch. I kinda want to avoid the supermarket but I think I need to go before the weekend, and I think I’m going to buy some powdered milk. One reason I’ve gone every other week (or so) is for fresh milk, but maybe I can get around that.
The occupant of the White House is trying to institute a police state in Portland. News came out today that he asked the US ambassador to the UK to steer the British Open to the golf course he owns in Scotland. People keep dying from this dang virus, and state governments refuse to mandate mask-wearing.
Me? I’ve watched Anna Kendrick in Noelle three times since Sunday and cried so many times I’ve lost count. I’m hanging on by my fingernails to comfort cinema, house cleaning, texting with friends, and work. And if you could use some of that texting part (or IMing or DMing), just reach out. Let’s get through it.